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first kiss

first kiss~ It is late at night I look through the window toward the midnight stars and city lights Full of happiness, something I feel I don’t have now The fan is turned on and the lights in the house are off. I crawl in bed and close my eyes, only for them to open again. I can’t sleep; all my thoughts are going through my head Or at least my thoughts about you All ever thought about was your memorizing eyes, the feel of your touch, the way you kiss. Thoughts of that late time, outside, and as clear was it could be. A full moon was about and stars were shining everywhere .There was us getting closer and closer till face to face. It was like we could hear each thought because not a word was spoken. All I could feel was your arms around my back and your body heat warming me from the unwelcome breeze that has came towards we Legs’ standing straight with no need to move and a clear mind is all I had Butterfly going crazy in my stomach but it didn’t matter all I wanted only to be with you. And I felt the lightest touch with the heaviest feeling of all. I shall never forget that night I had that first kiss and that feeling had never break. lithium flower

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weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

You write beautifully.

Love poetry is one of the most difficult to write without becoming sentimental, trite or cliched but you manage to do it with simple declarative honesty and evocative imagery. Love the line "And I felt the lightest touch with the heaviest feeling of all." There are some constructive criticisms I could make on your grammar but only with your permission cheers Jess
L

lithium flower

18 years 10 months ago

you must know

you should know that I understand english more than you give me credit for. so my poetry ratings shouldn't really have anything to do with my language choice as much as my age and writing skills. thanks for helping me. O-U-T out lithium flower
C

Conect11

18 years 10 months ago

ok,

so then what is your age, and how do you feel your writing skills are? What do you feel you do best? What would you like to improve on? What is the single most inspirational thing for you? Why is it? What is the most challenging thing you have ever gone through? Why? What makes a good poem a good poem?
L

lithium flower

18 years 10 months ago

well

actually I didn't mean to make sound like an insult, but that was what I was worried about when writing it. SO i hope jess doesn't take it the wrong way. and I am going to high school in california. I think good poetry is jugde by many different thoughts and emotions so there are different opinions towards it. but enough about me meet me in the chatroom when I am logged in. Thanks for the kind e-mails to. O-U-T out lithium flower
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

no insult taken

and I appreciate your sensitivity on the subject. I assure you I will only regard your poetry as poetry. cheers, Jess
C

Conect11

18 years 10 months ago

what you've done

what you've done very well here is make this poem small, intimate. Too many poems (and poems about love) try to be big, conceptual. You've taken the real life (the fan being turned on, the unspoken language of two lovers) and expressed it nicely in this poem. And understand when Jess said what he did about English not being your first language, that was not an insult, but praise of the highest order. You have done well, can't wait to read more of your work.
M

Mistyone

18 years 9 months ago

very nice

really a good poem I liked it alot it has feeling good job keep writing
I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 8 months ago

Warming,

I find you betray yourself as a person who is very exited about writing,so much so you get hyper and make the same writing mistakes you would in speach,and that is a complament.That if nobody let poetry out because of feared gliches We would die of mental block.Yet, true as well, to reach a broader addiance,even to be trasslateable to other languages we should make an attempt at grammer (myself spelling)I just now started exercising my typing skills again and even some of my on paper edited stuff gets put out bad ,improvement is a reward of leaps and bounds.