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vacant stages

Grey foam interiors
silent Tv screens
motion sickness
dark clouds
pressed against
soggy ceilings.
 
left to rot
in repetition
a dead routine
played out
upon an empty stage
 
a pair of old shoes
an unposted letter
a piss jar
a sound of darkness
act out their parts
to vacant seats

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weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

Again I get where you are going

and the lines "dark clouds pressed against soggy ceilings." are great. But its expressionist. Expressionism works easier in paintings cos you see the whole canvas at once. In poetry the parts need to connect. cheers, Jess
C

Conect11

18 years 10 months ago

wow

I never, ever, ever like to say "me too!" But I have to 100% agree with Jess on this one. You've got good lines, but that's what they are, lines.