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Wishing I Could Fly

Wishing I Could Fly by Jim Nasium Waves crash against the dock stars twinkle in the night sky everyone's asleep, the town is dead I'm sitting here alone very high Fishing boats rock from the current the smell of dead fish is in the air it's late and the night air is cool I'm alone but I just don't care Song birds sings their song aloud as dawn lights the Eastern sky the sound of nature comforts me I walk home wishing I could fly Jim Nasium 01.12.03 http://www.gymart.com

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weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

mmmm yes know the feeling

very evocative, but when you say "please use care" it makes it hard to give any constructive feedback. One thing I think I can say safely is that you might benefit from trying to express yourself in free-verse. I get the feeling that the search for structure and rhyme might be inhibiting you here. At the same time my latest posting is little else than an exercise in structure 8) Notice from your profile you are a Brautigan fan. Only read "A Confederate General from Big Sur", "Trout Fishing in America" and "Sombrero Fallout" and that was about 30 years ago, but still get a chuckle thinking of "186,000 endings per second" Welcome to Neopoets, look forward to more cheers
B

barbsdad2003

18 years 10 months ago

so true

It's so, so true to human beings that we yearn for what we can or will not have. Thanx for your appropriate somber tone. Appreciate it. Yours, Chuck
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Sabrina_Manning

18 years 9 months ago

I wish I could fly

I grew up in a coastal area. I could smell the salt in the air reading your poem. I was there with you. I enjoyed your poem. Sabrina