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I've got to tell you I found it hard to read. Then I took the liberty of pasting it into Word and removing the verse structure. Lo and behold, its worked! This is excellent prose and doesn't need the verse structure to retain its poetic qualities, quite the contrary. I love it! Overtones of Poe and Lovecraft. A few little things. Lose "not to topple over from my Own back patting", you are, at first, the brave self-serious legend hunter, our Van Helsing. Similarly lose "frightened legend hunter", make him bold and maybe even self-important at first so we can appreciate his humanity later. "But the only part of this tale that was distorted, were the new Bodies that Macie has claimed. The old yellowed newspaper clippings told of a young beautiful girl in Her senior year of high school, off to the first dance" This makes it seem like you are describing one of the victims, not Macie. So later we don't at first realise it is her voice that speaks aloud. See what I mean? Promise to reply sooner in future, been swamped with newbies posting everything they ever writ. This is like a second job for me now, not complaining, cheers, Jess