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"Three Red Lights and a Left Turn."

Funny where your mind can take you
Sometimes
our bodies
react
to things
automatically

I had been
thinking
of us
in
better days

When November skies
blew Mulberry leaves
across
our faces

It
was
cold
so very 
cold

You loaned me your fathers college sweat shirt.
We sat in your back yard
cuddled
drank
white wine

That was a special day
in every way
our future was
just a
dusting of
possibilities

I can still see
your smiling eyes
feel
lips wet with
my wine
flavored kisses.

I admit
I left my body
sitting in that old Nova
you left me

Went back to a place
that didn’t know
death
or tombstones…

I found myself
sitting
in front of your father’s house

Remembering
when we were
both young
both holding
handfuls
of possibilities.

End
 
 
 -DS Baker

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Region, Country: NV and NC, USA

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Comments

C

Conect11

18 years 10 months ago

melancholy

your last few poems have transported me, Dave, they're so visual that I can feel and see myself in those situations. There's a homeliness, yet a sadness here. I'm not sure about the rhyme in "special day, every way," but don't get me wrong, it might just be the pace by which I read it the first time, because at a different beat it worked for me fine. I think this might have hit me just a bit more if it weren't in paragraph form, but I don't want to let that detract from the quality of this work, which is good. On punctuation, is the comma really supposed to be after the word "day?" It just seems so out of place there.
dbaker

dbaker

18 years 10 months ago

My Piece...

Connect-Who I wish I knew your first name,and Joe. Thank you for reading and commenting on this piece. Good suggestions from both of you. It was not originally formated in a paragraph form...So much for cutting and pasting eh? It's not often you will see me post an overly personal piece. My first wife died in a car accident three and half years into our marriage. This piece literally happened like I wrote it. For all the attendant nightmares of emotions that came with that event, this was and is a cathartic little poem for me. It is only the second poem I have written about her. I just don't have the heart to change it or edit it. Melancholy, is a very good way of describing it. My challenge was not to write a poem that was just raw dripping emotions. In the grand scheme of things will this ever be considered a great poem or even a good one, probably not. I think the motivation behind posting this was to show you can express grief or very deep emotions without making your audience have their skin crawl. Thank you for your time and your comments. -David Work, stretch, take risks, visualize your future. Become the poet you have always longed to be. All that is needed is honest effort.-DSB
C

Conect11

18 years 10 months ago

Mark

it's Mark, Dave, and I think I just had the same moment that Joe had when he found out about my wife's miscarriage last year. I am truly and empathetically sorry for your loss. Thank you for the write, and opening that door up, which must be extremely difficult. I trust that we can continue to help each other out. Mark
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

Just my 2 cents worth

Overall like it, "our future was just a dusting of possibilities" is excellent, but the first two lines are just a tad too conversational to my taste, could be a little more succinct or something, cheers
Rottiestyl

Rottiestyl

18 years 10 months ago

I could not find one thing I

I could not find one thing I did not like about this piece. It was sharp and soft. You have the best of both worlds here. a flow from a past memory to the reality of now. I agree with one of the other reviewers. It did put the reader right in that Nova. I am very sorry for your loss, but I do know a great write has come from a small slice of it. K. Mulroney
dbaker

dbaker

17 years 3 months ago

Edit

Been a while since I had the energy to re-visit this piece. Thank you each and everyone for your comments. You gave of yourselves in posting, and you will never really know how much that means to me. Cheers. -DSB
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 3 months ago

Dave

Poetry that can transport a reader to the place and time the poet describes, wrap them in the moment and hold them there, is poetry that few can write. You've done a fantastic job with this one. Every nuance is there. The first "fathers" is missing its possessive apostrophe, but I see nothing else to edit here. Best ~ Ronda