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B
barbsdad2003
Jun 16, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

bedtime

right now is prime
tomato
harvest time
 
so do eat hearty---
whether you be
Laurel … or Hardy
 
I’d further rhyme,
but sun dropped just then
and so’d my pen;
 
it’s my bedtime

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Country/Region: USA

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C

Conect11

18 years 10 months ago

...

I almost fell into the same trap Joe does when reviewing your work, trying to match your rhyme scheme. I will humbly admit right now I am not able to some that on a dime, so bravo to you for the mastery of that. I love your first and last stanzas, they were meaty. Your middle stanza (Laurel and Hardy) left me hungry, it felt like you tried too hard there, and it showed. (maybe I'm wrong, I've been known to be.) Mark