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Conect11
Jun 11, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Great Big Alone

The Great Big Alone We are floating
not at all near cloud nine.
Just dangling there
between life and near death,
caught between grief, guilt, get over it
and all the good intentions.
We are caught
in the great big alone.
I finally foundthe last place on Earth I want to be;
a tiny room
with a beautiful view
tucked at the back of the birthing center wing
of Fairview Hospital.
A “F.E.E.L” sticker’s affixed to the door,
and there’s one last grainy imageon the monochrome screen.Karen and Isqueeze handswhile a nursepokes and prods and eventually sticksher with a saline drip.It’s lonely in this place,A death march past the places we used to be;In here, there’s a different type of crying.Like Thursday I am orbiting,not really on Earth.Not really here.Out the picture windowI can see a road, a bridgespanning Rocky River.A doctor,or an intern, maybeasks me to fill outimpersonal paperworkwith impersonal terms;d & c, products of conception,perhaps to make me feel less human, I suppose.Still, the people hereAre more than professional;they are borne with empathy,a ton of faithful empathy and support.
But that is no consolation
when we go home empty handed.A young funeral directorprovides a free cremationat the hospital’s request.Oh Angel, that we could put you in the groundwith such finality…
And every month we receive books,
a stack of compassionate and resourceful books
that do nothing to take the edge off
or the sting out of our pain.

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weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 11 months ago

Agree with Joe on this one

Don't want to take away from the deep feelings expressed but it does need work as poetry. Or maybe just let it be. You said what you wanted to say and said it well.
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Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

thank you

Thank you gentlemen, last September my wife and I were expecting our third child when the baby passed away. This was about that. Karen's (my wife's) body did not recognize that the baby had died, so it wasn't until we went for an ultrasound, expecting to see a healthy baby, that we found out. Because her body didn't respond to the baby's death we had to go to get her surgically removed.When we got to the hospital we were told to take elevator "A" to the third floor for the surgery. Imagine my wife and my horror when the doors opened and we were at the cheerful entrance to the birthing center, where our other two children were born. We were supposed to be sent up a back elevator, but someone had made an honest mistake. Karen had to walk the entire length of that place, since the room we needed to be in was in the back of the wing. I can't fathom how she had the strength to do that. We walked past babies crying, new families being made. It was agony. I honestly don't know why I'm telling you this, except that I suppose I need to get it out. Even now, it hurts. I could have gone back and changed the poem, but why? I wrote this merely to record the moment in my head, but not to create art. Joe, the "get over it" line refers to how I felt upon trying to "get back to normal." As men we are in awkward situations when it comes to how we act after a situation like this. Most people are empathetic, but let's face it, if you didn't carry the child (ie., pregnancy) then you're expected to get back (emotionally) alot quicker than you're able to. Add that to the fact that unborn children aren't even treated like humans by many people anymore and that's where that came from. Sometimes I feel we make a statement with our work not as an expression of art, but as a window to our own souls. Saying that, I appreciate and agree with both of your assessments, and heartily appreciate your constructive advice, but thought I would give you the backstory to the poem. "F.E.E.L" = "Family Experiencing Early Loss"
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Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

thank you

thank you very much for your heartfelt reply, don't worry, I'm not gonna break down on ya, lol. We all have a great opportunity here, to help each other improve, and just as importantly, help some of the less experienced writers on here to find their voices. As a challenge to the more experienced poets, I would suggest we submit some of our "earlier works," no matter how embarrassed we might be by them now. I think it would be helpful to some of the newer members to see where alot of our styles evolved from. God bless to you, too. Mark
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Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

lol

nice, did you get that published?! I bet Simon & Shuster would die for that one.
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workingharleylady

18 years 9 months ago

Tears flowing for you

You displayed your pain well in this piece. Quite different than the piece i wrote to honor my own son who died at 26 days, but truly the message is the same. The hospital where my son died tried sending me to a grief group where not a single woman had progressed more than 3 months into her pregnancy, i was stunned at how these women grieved so incredibly hard. I know i'm not insensitive where it comes to this kind of loss, however by the time it came for me to speak the hour was up and i left in more pain than when i arrived. There are no words for comfort, there's only ones self to figure out through the years how to peel away the layers of agony. Thanks for sharing your heart and bearing your soul. Warmly, Chrissy
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

17 years 3 months ago

Mark

Nothing to say except good for you for writing this, man. I cannot imagine how I would feel about what happened if I was in your shoes, but I know how you feel, in this poem. It comes through strong and clear and sad. Does it need work? Perhaps. But it stands well as is. Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
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Conect11

17 years 3 months ago

thank you very much, Jim

I did alot of work on it last night for the first time in quite awhile. It amazes me two and a half years after it happened how vivid the memories are. Mark W. Galatians 5:22-23 "22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. Against these, there is no law!" My favorite verse(s) in the Bible