differnt

Simply stated and beatifuly done. I must say Im not really feeling the form, you should have line breaks in stead of commas.(don't listen to me if you like using puncutation, I hate it therefore I avoid lol) Please expand on the word something, it's vague and would make the piece stronger if you just spat out whatever "something" was. This is more a narrative and I think it would be intimate if you could be less general unless you're writing style is suppose to reflect the message and in that case....that was brilliant. But if it isn't you should show, how generalizations affect actions, spirits life. Use adjetives they are here to evoke images from you're words etc. I loved this line: " manifested into emotional diseases . Jealousy , Envy , Lust and Greed" Thanks for the read -Word

I do like your poem, and its message. It seems just a tad forced and preachy, but that might not be you, it might be me at 1 in the morning and with a few too many mojitos in me. "Strange people pass through our lives" is a great line, I would have loved to seen you expand on it more, you could create an entire poem right out of that. I tend to agree with Joe on your last line, it seems forced, contrite, and cliche. Again, though, that could be the mojitos.

Here are just a few thoughts for your consideration. Take out as many linking words as you can. "And & The" then work on your commas. I myself have often been accused of living in a comma swamp myself. Over all, good piece. The paragraph form that Joe didn't like will work if you take a lot of those commas out. Each comma acts as a PERIOD to the reader. It's not like you're reading a structured story. Each one makes the reader stop in the flow of imagery that you are trying to create. All The Best! Work, stretch, take risks, visualize your future. Become the poet you have always longed to be. All that is needed is honest effort.-DSB