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"I"
I do my best in school,
I have a dog,
I don't try to be cool,
But I still end up in the fog.
Sometimes my emotions don't make since,
I come home to a bunch of nonsince.
I try to help out a bit
But I don't have the time,
I try to do my school work,
I try to stay in line.
I don't want my life to be a waste,
every day I try to pick up the pace.
I try hard to make life better,
But it seems sometimes that it gets trown back in my face.
Iknow I'm appreciated,
but sometimes I wonder.
Sometimes I long for rain
So I can llisten to the soothing sound of thunder.
Sometimes my heart feels pain,
I feel as if I'm doing all this
And I have nothing to gain.
Sometimes I feel alone
even in my own home.
I love my family,
But sometimes they don't know whats inside of me.
Sometimes I feel lost...
I do my best in school,
I have a dog,
I don't try to be cool,
But I still end up in the Fog.
Critiques
pinksheep
19 years ago
"I"
pinksheep
19 years ago
"I"
Mark
19 years 4 months ago
Hi ...
I don't like the title as it can mean a lot >I what?< In fact I do not like the word I in a title.
I don't like redundancy and you use the word I arond 24 times. I do not like the title in the body of the poem and you do this around 24 times as well. However I like the poetry ( what you are saying here) it is well thought through! I would continue to work on it - but that is me :-) JS makes good points as well - got to use that spell check and watch out for those words that sound alike but are spelled different. Keep on writing!!
Mark
18 years 10 months ago
All Four Years Of High School
IcePrincess
19 years 1 month ago
So familar
weirdelf
19 years 1 month ago
I
BrokenSoul
19 years 1 month ago
Good
sanjon123
19 years 1 month ago
Critique of your poem
storm400
19 years ago
poem
Prototype
18 years 10 months ago
Hi ownself,
IKnowNoBox
18 years 9 months ago
Prototype you hit the advice I wish a guidaince
Prototype
18 years 9 months ago
Well...
IKnowNoBox
18 years 9 months ago
The cycle is completed at the end of the poem.
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