What To Do?!?!?!?!?!?!

She thinks back on times of the past days that she still lives thru even today..  Still trying to figure out what she did that was so bad to casue it all.. Why was she made to feel a fear that had last all her life long.. She wishes to be able to trust again when she is told it is safe.. That just maybe it really is.. She wishes to be able to believe that she can be loved with no wrong to be wanted in return.. She wants to know that when someone holds her she can melt for the safeness felt..  Not melt to try and escape the fear..  She wants to learn that love can be just becasue of who she is.. She wants to know that if she tells things that make her fell different people will not walk away.. She does not understand acceptance for just being her.. Or a love that is unconditonal with something having to be in return..  She hears that people offer to help because they care.. Is this really true? Dont they want something in return? She does not understand this world that people try to explaine and express to her.. One were she can be free to say HELP ME.. I cant do this anymore.. One where she can admit she cant do it alone.. And nobody say she is weak, stupied, useless, a disappointment, a screw up, or controlless.. The world that she lives in now is so scarey to her.. So unfamlier to her.. Its like someone had take a black drap off her eyes that has layed there forever.. And now she is just surpossed to ajust.. She is not surpossed to do without things she has all her life.. She is not surpossed to sacrafice.. Especially not herself.. She is not surpossed to coward down.. She is not surpossed to curl up frightend in the corner..  Now she is told she is surpossed to stand tall.. She is surpossed to have what she needs to survive.. She is surposed to say I cant do it alone.. To say I need help.. She is surpossed to allow herself to live.. Well what is she cant.. What if she cant provide what she needs for all this... And what if the guilt and the shame is to great for her to admit.. She needs help.. and what if maybe.. Just maybe.. She is to afraid that if she does the will be turned away and left alone.. Just like has happend before.. She maybe she has learned its better to do without.. Then to admit the needs and her be left alone in her corner she so ofter goes to in fear..