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Z
Zeussirius
Dec 14, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

icarus

her love lifted me to the Sun,
The heart-break moulted my wings,
i crashland into a sea of despair.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Abuja,Nigeria., NGA

Favorite Poets: William Shakespeare William Wordsworth, Wole Soyinka, John Milton.

More from this author

Comments

weirdelf

weirdelf

12 years 9 months ago

mixed metaphor

Icarus flew too close to the sun, not to angelic heights.
It spoils such a short poem.

weirdelf

weirdelf

11 years 3 months ago

Better

I like this short piece, it affects me.

Ian.T

Ian.T

11 years 3 months ago

Zeus

You could have saved Icarus from falling, I read both the original and the edited piece and as Jess says it is the second version that s true to myth.
Yet another picture of heartbreak, we build things up and sometimes have to be there when they come crashing down.
The way is eternal, a good write!
Yours Ian.T

weirdelf

weirdelf

11 years 3 months ago

Zeussirius

it is considered polite to reply, or at least acknowledge, commentary given to your poem. You are welcome to disagree with critique given.

Z

Zeussirius

11 years 3 months ago

Thanks to everyone who

Thanks to everyone who commented and I am sorry for not replying on time, I've been busy. So I should go with the second version right?

weirdelf

weirdelf

11 years 3 months ago

I would

it just makes more sense. Just my opinion.