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Our Proposal
You said “What about it”
I said “What about what”
“Marriage and all that”
I didn’t look up in case you weren’t sincere
Because you are everything I hold dear
“Well” you said
I lifted my head
We looked at each other
Our smiles you couldn’t smother
I don’t think either of us actually ever did propose
Things just happened I suppose
It was just decided there and then
Now we’ve chose the place and when
Being a recession
We just had a session
The ring has to wait
More important that we get our date
Deposits are paid on music and venue
Were still deciding on the menu
I know a surprise you’ll spring
When I do get that ring
We’re both over forty
And oh so flirty
Wouldn’t it be such a laugh
To stick out our tongues for a photograph
Just a reminder for anyone who’s lonely
He or she is out there looking for you only
We’ve found love, we fit like a glove
So remember it’s never to late to meet your soul mate
Ray loads of hugs ‘n kisses
Can’t wait to be your missus
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
weirdelf
13 years 5 months ago
Sincere but your use of language could be improved
Work on the vocabulary, find wonderful expression. You can do better
|sueb
13 years 5 months ago
Thanks I'll Try
Thanks I'll Try
weirdelf
13 years 5 months ago
This is not the best if you.
Your words meaing abd ower,, Your You chag the work. You can do it. /aex Nachette,
Nordic cloud
13 years 5 months ago
This shows promise, your
This shows promise, your enthusiasm came over loud and clear, whoopee for you if this is the case too! Ann of Norway
|sueb
13 years 5 months ago
Hi Thanks and yes this was my
Hi Thanks and yes this was my first ever attempt at writing a poem I wrote it a year ago and though its not gr8 it won the photographer for my wedding so its special to me have a gr8 day
Seren
13 years 5 months ago
Hi Sue
welcome to Neopoet !!, I agree with Jess work on the vocab and expression I think you show some real promise, I look forward to watching you grow I have been with Neopoet for a few years now and I have watched first time writers grow to be some of our best poets ...
thanks for your kind comments on my poems
kindest regards Jayne-Chloe(JC)
|sueb
13 years 5 months ago
your very welcome I enjoyed
your very welcome I enjoyed them thanks I just write because I like it cheers x