cristinapuerta

your judgement:

it can’t touch me.

 

Selfish

started to hurt me

 

Selfish

The blood sprouted, bubbling.

I begged you:

stop 

calling

me

that.

Selfish

to the days I spent

sitting at your desk,

next to you,

translating your language

to mine;

to the days I patiently spent

hearing, absorbing and shredding

the list of problems 

you encountered at every job,

to the days I spent

ensuring you didn’t lose a friend

because of pride,

to the days I stayed silent,

adapted and molded me into

a smaller corner

so I could be granted with

a smile I got if I got you

out of your dark cloud.

To all of that and more

you added

selfish


Selfish

I believed you.

 

Selfish

I started to 

give you more of

what I was already

giving you.

 

Selfish

when my shoulders shrank under

the foreign constraints

of keeping afloat

another self.

When your overflowing angersurrounded me, 

still high 

hours after the sun 

has dipped below the horizon. 

The drain in my head 

barely slipped to wonder 

how you could be so above 

after soothing you

in the crib of my words

I made,

After listening to you

So you could reach 

The safe haven

o

To all of that and more

you added

Selfish

 

 

Selfish

I clawed back.

 

Selfish

I held you accountable

for never listening to me and

missing your presence even

when you were in front of me,

for constantly interrupting me,

for never considering my ideas

till someone else came up with it,

Now then

you would have been right

and still somehow wrong

to call me

Selfish

 

Selfish

While I gave you everything,

and more.

Still:

was 

not 

enough.

 

 

Selfish

you would have called me

until the day

the last thing standing was

sacrificing myself.

Until there was nothing else

to consume from me

to drink from me

to take from me

Until the day

I disappeared.

Until the day,

I was of no use

to you

anymore.

And you did it.

 

Selfish

has now lost all its meaning

in my ears.

 

Selfish

you keep spilling

between your clenched teeth

in my imagination

long after

I am gone.

 

Selfish

You are right.

Yes,

finally,

I am.