Andrea Elrod

My beating heart is out of rhythm,
left struggling to find the snare.
Seconds crawl to
to minutes,
minutes drag their feet, hours slump like drunks against the morning's gray defeat.
I ask God nightly, 'Why did You take them away?'  Silence answers, cold and gray, yet I kneel again to pray.
Leaving me shattered and broken, unsure of where the pieces belong.
Faintly, hearing whispers, encouraging me to remain strong.

As a child, I stayed hidden under your wings,
protected and safe, nothing could harm me.
Now I'm afraid, alone, and in fear of everything.
Yearning for comfort, seeking the love only parents can bring.
It seems God has distance for my dreary circumstance.
My cries left unheard, in a state of irrelevance.

---

Still Missing YouThroughout all my years, I spoke to you, casting all my fears— Now morning comes, I reach for you,  And forget that you're nowhere near.

Some years have gone by
Since I last heard your voice.
Still feeling my heart being destroyed. 
Never would I have predicted, it would be this hard— As I put being without you in places I can't discard.

At night, I'm torn, ambivalent, in dreams where you still stay— I wake and hope, against all odds, to find you, even though you remain away .
I'm left feeling let down when reality sinks in,
that another day is to live without you,
and so painful to comprehend.

My life is different now and so am I.
I've had to relearn everything that I thought I knew in life.
Only this time without you being by my side.

It's hard some days, then some days seem better.
Although the bad days are tormenting, almost too painful to endeavor.

I grapple with the anger of your sudden flight,
Betrayed by fate, my heart lost in the night.
There are those that proclaim that things happen  with reasoning.
Although, losing you, I can feel my heart depleting.
I only hope missing you may get easier with time and
this mountain is less difficult to climb.
Being without your love is arduous indeed.
And with every step I take, I long for you to take them with me.

---

His Hurtful Last Words To Me He looked at me, eyes dull and cold,
"What the hell are you doing here?"
And just like that—my heart caved in,
Shattered by his words, so ice-cold.

I had come with love in trembling hands,
A daughter needing something small.
Just a soft goodbye, a crack of light,
but he built another wall.
I stood there stunned, not sure to speak,
not even sure if he was talking to me.

I wanted to scream, I'm your daughter,
I'm here because I care,
but his voice was sharp, and full of fire,
and none of that was there.

I tried to make sense of his anger.
Was it pain that made him blind?
Was it cancer eating through his words,
or the damage in his mind?

Cirrhosis, Hep C, the wounds—
They stole the man I knew.
And maybe somewhere deep inside,
He missed me coming through.

But all I have are those last words,
They echo in my chest—
Not "I love you," not "thank you,"
Not even "I wish you the best.”

And still I wonder, every night
If he'd been without his disease,
would he have instead changed
those final words to me?

---

When They're All GoneThe house still stands, the walls remain,But silence settles like the rain.The voices that once filled each roomHave vanished softly into gloom.The chair still sits beside the door,Though no one rocks there anymore.The pictures hang upon the wall,Remembering faces I can't call.The holidays still come each year,But bring more memories than cheer.The laughter fades, the tables shrink,Leaving too much time to think.One by one they slipped away,Like autumn leaves on a windy day.And all the names I held so dearNow echo only in my ear.The world keeps turning, people pass,While I keep staring through the glass.Watching families gather near,Holding what I used to have here.No mother waits, no father calls,No footsteps travel down these halls.No grandparents with tales to share,Just empty rooms and vacant air.Yet in the quiet, I can findThe traces that they left behind.For though they're gone, their love remains,Flowing softly through my veins.And when I'm sitting all alone,I realize I'm not on my own.For every lesson, laugh, and tearIs proof that they are still right here.Though all that's left may seem like me,A solitary branch upon the tree,The roots below still hold me fast—Connected always to my past.Child of FireMy childhood torn,
Between brightful day and a fearful night reborn.
My parents, lost in drunken rage,
turned loving hearts to a warlike stage.

Joy would visit, then take flight,
shadowed by the terror of night.
My brother and I, trapped in between,
witnessed horrors no child should have seen.

I watched my mother fall and bleed,
struck by fists, by anger freed.
Her helpless cries would fill the air,
while we, too small, could only stare.

Police would come, then go away,
 then night would bring the same dismay.
Our home a stage of endless fights,
where darkness swallowed all the light.

My father, labeled the one to blame,
but both would fuel the fiery flame.
Alcohol stoked the rage they bore,
and violence ruled forever more.

We'd sit to watch our favorite show,
while knowing screams would soon bestow.
A terror that no child should bear.
We'd rush in, hands trembling, through despair.

Beside my mother, I'd try to sleep,
peace was fleeting, never deep.
For at any moment, rage would storm,
and shatter what little warmth was born.

My childhood ended, age eleven,
A life less lived than it was given.
I share my story, not for pain,
but for those trapped in the same disdain.

The trauma lingers, shadows cling,
anxiety, depression, fear they bring.
Though my parents rest, their ghosts remain,
and love feels twisted, wrapped in shame.

I struggle with trust, with closeness, with my heart,
haunted by the role I played from the start.
Nevertheless, in darkness, hope can gleam,
for healing waits beyond the screams.

---

Chapter 2: Addiction & The Battle WithinPastEveryone has a past they wish they could forget,
but for some, it lingers like a bad debt.

No matter what we try, it won't go away.
Even prayers don't keep it at bay.

I tried to numb the pain,
but it only led me further into its grasp,
driving me insane.

I put my past before everything, regretting painful things I did, making relationships hard to mend.

Evil knew just how to get to me.
The trap was well-laid.
Having the devil tempt me, for as my soul, he wanted to trade.

Blaming past trauma on the ruthlessness of my actions.
Using drugs as a temporary, unworthy distraction.

Erasing traumatic memories,
Now I know that is not an option.
Living as a progeny of pain, my soul's legal adoption.

Although I continue living with unwanted waves of recollection— Hoping to find some dignity in what stares back at my reflection.

---

SolitudeIn quiet moments,
I reflect on shadows of my past,
pondering the choices made,
the lessons learned at last.

I face the echoes of those I let down,
in pride, I forged my path and wore a heavy crown.

My flesh led me in circles,
tripping on my own demise,
Now I gaze upon my choices,
Seeing it through new eyes.

Karma's ledger calls my name,
debts stacked high in regret.
A haunting reel of wrongs replayed,
a truth I’ll never forget.

One fear clings to my spirit,
this awakening might fade.
I continue to pray, to rise above the old ways I once laid.

Temptation still scratches softly
at the door of my resolve.
Whispering of failures past, urging me to dissolve.

Though, I've faced my demons,
And the worn-out song I know.
Through faith, I found my foundation,
I refuse to fall below.

How simple it can be to slip back into the shadows of my old design.
But the brightness of the light, it shines,
A strength that's truly mine.

The greatest gift I found was the essence of my soul.
The purpose for living and the reason to remain whole.

Warning signs were all around me,
I turned a blind eye.
It required the loss of everything to finally abide.

My father warned of my stubborn ways,
That those paths would lead to pain,
But his wisdom fell like raindrops, that I poured down the drain.

Yet, I  must embrace the past,
for it cannot be undone.
The choices that I make today,
my legacy lives on.

With every step I take.
I hope my parents see me rise.
Wishing that they're proud of me,
somewhere in the afterlife.

I stand today in solitude,
with lessons carved in stone.
A journey filled with heartache,
But so much of me has grown.

In this tapestry of life,
I weave a brighter thread.
Realizing the paths I’d taken were damagingly misled.

---

Chasing A Thirsty DragonHere's your prescription.
A remedy so small.
For worries that weigh heavy and pain that beats all.

The ivy of your troubles, the vines of disarray.
Take another dose.
Armor up for today.

It's a cycle that spirals,
a loop with no end.
The honeyed glue of addiction,
A false, fleeting friend.

Euphoria dances,
Tempting the mind,
As phantoms of pleasure
Leave reason behind.

The rhythm of your heartbeat
Caught in charades.
Yet soon will unravel
In the comfort that you made.

Delirium wraps you in threads of silk,
Woven madness
Blanket choices that you've built.

Here is your prescription
And a lonely road ahead.
Later, dreaming of moments you wish you could reset.

Chasing a thirsty dragon
May be hard to slay,
Eating dust from its feet
And choking on the taste.

Here is your prescription,
It's side effects, I warn.
May you find the relief
You came here looking for.

---

 Devil In the WindSometimes I fall and it seems easier just to fall rather than climb back up.
For when I fall, I feel free.
I feel as though I can fly, but I can't.
I simply fall so fast and hard that everything starts spinning and rushing, there's no time to think.
I get sucked into the storm and then spit out at the brink.
Coming to my senses is always too late.
I lose everything.
Everything about myself.
All my efforts are in vain.
The pain of losing it all is not worth the high I obtained.

Shame, guilt, anger, and madness, feed me till I'm full.
As I self reproach and surrender to the pull.

The storm calls me, the devil in the wind.
A perpetual loop, beginning back to end.

---

BricksBrick by brick, I built this home.
Each piece with purpose in which it owns.

It was the hardest task I ever did face.
As I made sure everything was in its right place.

Then suddenly, my house collapsed, tumbling to the ground.
My heart started drumming, I felt every pound.

Confused by the aftermath, all the destruction in sight.
What caused this to happen?
I pondered through the night.

Was it the weight of my burdens too heavy to bear?
Or the cracks in my foundation, too deep to repair?

I stood amidst the rubble feeling lost and alone.
Wondering how to rebuild what was once my home.

As I sifted through debris, a realization grew.
 Sometimes, I must let go and build something new.
Within the destruction, there may lie something beautiful underneath.
Just believe in yourself and let your heart guide your feet.

Remembering that sometimes ruins let us build something new—  The fall becomes the foundation, the loss becomes the view.

Love may lie dormant down deep in a pit,
while faith holds the purpose that mortars each brick.

---

TornadoAmidst the chaos, the wails and the screams,
destruction abounds, shattering my dreams.

I cry out in anguish, but the noise never ends.
Longing for peace, for this turmoil to mend.

Through the anguish,the pain, and the loss,
The choices I've made now come with a cost.

My grace has run dry, leaving wounds in its wake.
Wondering if prayers will pardon my mistakes.

I know God is near, but I'm lost in my mind.
Searching for Him, His presence I cannot find.

I needed His guidance for the pain to subside, a whisper came, "Have faith, and abide."

As I take a deep breath and begin to see, the strength to overcome resides within me.

Though the world may crumble and chaos reigns,
with trust in the Lord, my spirit regains.

I'll stand firm and strong, for He is by my side.
His love and grace, my fears to override.

Through the storm and the strife, I'll find my way,
emerging victoriously each trying day.

MomentsEvery moment carries purpose, hidden deep within.
Waiting for the right time to reveal its true intent.

Denial, may blind the truth meant to be seen, but silence wears a mask of serpentine.

Regrets of the past may linger, unchangeable and stark, echoes of our actions, leaving an indelible mark.

Cowardice may blind the truth to see what's underneath. 
Once revealed, we fight for liberation we vow to keep.

We often fail to see the cost of love we push aside.
Only to face the aftermath, where our broken hearts reside.

We flip through pages of pain, the weight of our transgressions.
Finding that our hollow apologies lack any real confessions.

Desperate whispers of remorse, falling on deaf ears.
As if holding the court of silence, for someone just to hear.

Our hands are criminals to the fires that we've made.
Condemning us for our wrongdoing, leaving us alone in the ashes that we laid.
Moments pass, whether wrong or right.
Just thoughts remembered as we lay in bed each night.

---

Chapter 3: Love & RelationshipsQuestions Left UnansweredWhy do you say you love me yet cling to your possessions?
If I had to leave here today, what would be your confession?
Would it break your heart to lose me, to not see my face?
Or would you move on in silence and bury my love in its grave?

What are you feeling that you refuse to let me know?
Are you afraid to reveal what is hidden down below?
Why do you allow your silence to leave me in despair?
Lost in a sea of questions, drowning, yet you're unaware.

How long must I carry the burdens of the past?
Is my suffering just to see how long I'll last?
Despite my anguish, I love you now and will still after my dying day, a delicacy that I crave.

Do you ever think of me as often as I think of you?
Or are thoughts of me fleeting and pushed right on through?
Am I a part of your future, or just a ghost from the past?
Is your cruelty a test, to see how long I'll last?

Will you share the answers I long to hear each day?
Will you stand up for our love and chase the fear away?
Will you answer these questions that encumber my thoughts?
And love me again with moments never lost?

---

I'll Wait For YouEach day, I long to feel your warm touch,
Your sweet affection.

Only truly satisfied when I'm yours and your heart’s my possession.

Though rejection may linger, my heart will always stay.
I rise each morning eager, dreaming of you every day.

In the past, I was misguided by what I thought love could be.
I wandered through the shadows, feeling lost and empty.
Wondering why my heart felt like a fading,
distant light, with no hope I'll ever find.

My dreams of being loved just became a distant fantasy.
Leading me to question, ‘Was love out there waiting for me?’

Discouraged and left with heartache,I realized love was just a game.
A fleeting, fickle notion, nothing to obtain.

Suddenly, an essence of purpose wrapped in skin,
came along and unlocked the cage I’d found myself in.
From our very first encounter, my heart filled with delight.
You turned my darkness into light.
You showed me real love, with no need for convincing.
Our hearts entwined so effortlessly, I found what my heart was missing.

Unfortunately, beneath the surface, I battled demons deep inside.
In my struggle,I caused you pain and your love began to hide.

How quickly a sweet melody can turn to disarray.
As if the devil beats the drums in. a string- only symphony.

The pounding drowned the whispers of those I held so dear, pushing true love away that I looked for all these years.

But here I stand, despite my flaws, ready to wait for you.
Forever sorry for the hurt, for all the pain I put you through.

If I never feel your love again before our time is done,
I know that the hope of us has kept me living on.

It saddens me to think of a world where we're apart.
When death comes, may it take my broken heart.

As long as I have air that my solid lungs can breathe,
may one day it be shared with you, with you right next to me.

---

ReminisceYour words, they don't go unheard, they settle deep in my heart, where all that you are never departs.

From the moment we met, I sensed something rare.
Compelled to explore what was already there.

Quickly, I realized you were the missing piece in my life.
The way you make me feel, beyond riches, beyond strife.

Mistakes of the past, I wish I could undo.
Their weight serves as a lesson that I never should have put you through.

The pain of losing you, like shattering each bone,
etching it forever in memory, carved into stone.

My days are now centered on how to keep you near.
For losing you has become my deepest fear.

My tears, they fall, for the wounds I've caused.
It's fair, for the pain I brought on.

You ask why I care now and when given the chance, I'll unveil my all, vividly enhanced.

No words can capture the depth of what I feel.
If you could see inside my heart, it’d all be revealed.

Your love is like a warm bath inside my soul,
captivating feelings I can't control.

Though our time together is passing us by,
I couldn't leave without giving it one last try.

If I must be without you and have moments missed,
I'll cherish the ones we had, our love to reminisce.

---

The Longing HeartAs I look at her, I wonder why she doesn't see, the one she loves will never be. 
Holding onto hope.
Believing that love will find a way and bring him back home.

She couldn't'bear to live without him, that much is true.
Whether or not he loves her, may be misconstrued.

She'll always love him, it seems that's her fate.
If only he truly loved her back, she wouldn’t have to wait.

Although, there she is, waiting for him to return.
Eyes to the sea, where her feet stand firm rippling the  water, her tears blur her reflection.

Her mind is distorted with perception.
But love surpasses the misery she keeps, waiting for him, as she weeps and she weeps.

---

No One on the Other SideI gave you my days.
I gave you my nights.
Burned through my spirit just trying to fight.
I built every bridge.
I opened each door.
You never showed—you wanted no more.

I tied my bleedin'heart in pain.
This pain, crying out for you, screaming your name.
In return is silence—no empathy, just emptiness, far less than sympathy.

I spoke in soft thunder.
I whispered in the rain.
Hoping you'd hear through the weight of my pain.
I stretched myself thin, till I barely could stand.
Still reaching, still hoping you'd offer your hand.

But love shouldn't beg, and hearts shouldn't break
just to survive all the chances you take.
I stood at the edge and waited in vain—But no one was there, just echoes and pain.

It hits like a storm, the truth when it lands:
You can give all you have, but still be unmanned.
You can try, you can believe and still fall—
Because some never answer, no matter the call.

So I'm done with the silence, the cold, and the chase,
with losing myself just to fill in your place.
I won't hold on to what's hollow with pride—
It's time to let go...when I know no one's waiting on the other side.

---

AloneThe thought of losing someone is hard to bear and holding on only brings more despair.

Hopes and dreams turn into disillusions, bringing on deep depression, along with seclusion.

Despite the pain, the heart fights to survive.
As absence kills anything left inside.

No hope remains of reasons to care.
Feeling beat down, crying out in despair.
Alone with your thoughts with no room to spare.
Lost in the moments, shared throughout time.
Leaving you in pieces when they left you behind.

A selfish kind of  pain, only felt first-hand.
The empathy can't feel what hurt apprehends.

Soon the loss will reach a subtle peak.
Where illusions proceed for the sake of grief.

Finding solace in tears that is now your new home.
Discovering peace by being alone.

---

Let Love InPast wounds and scars may shroud our hearts with pain.
Blocking love, the beacon that guides our way.
If we let love in and learn to let go, we'll learn love is better if it's shown.

In the depths of darkness, wounds lie deep.
Where scars of the past haunt our sleep.
Believing in love's light shines through the pain,
guiding us through its labyrinth domain.

Let go of the anger, let go of the fear.
Opening our hearts to let love near.
Love’s essence is the music that carries on.
A beautiful melody, playing an infinite song.

In the end, love will remain.
Transcending through the hurt of all past pain.
With love's embrace, we'll find our way as scars from the past fade away.

---

The Labyrinth Beneath the CabinThrough whispering woods where the shadows sway,
I followed a path that had slipped away.
Leaves cracked softly beneath each stride,
Like a half-forgotten lullaby, time tried to hide.

Through sun-starved trees and a dim green gloom,
I stumbled upon an abandoned room—
A cabin hunched like a secret kept,
where ancient stories curled and slept.

Its door breathed open with a timbered groan,
As if warning me to turn back home.
But curiosity, sharp and deep,
Pulled me inside where memories creep.

Dust swirled gently in trembling beams,
Walls peeling back their long-lost dreams.
Cobweb curtains swayed in the air
Thick with silence, thick with scare.

A pot on the stove, a chair left still—
As though someone paused against their will.

The cabin watched with patient eyes,
Holding back truths in its demise.

Then under a rug, nearly concealed,
A trapdoor begged to be unsealed.
Its hinges screamed as I pulled it wide,
And a stairwell yawned to the dark inside.

Downward I stepped where the cold air crept,
Where silence thickened and something slept.
A corridor stretched in a stone-cold hush,
Doors marked strange in faded rust.

Whispers hummed through the shaky air,
Like voices trapped in despair.
Then in the wall, one stone loose,
Held a box with a key meant to choose.

A wooden door waited, locked and still—
The key turned slow as if testing my will.
Inside, tall shelves in shadows stood,
Guarding secrets misunderstood.

A desk lay cluttered with relics old,
Letters yellowed, stories untold.
Carved in the wood, a chilling doubt:
"The door is locked. There is no way out.”

Panic rose sharp in my pounding chest,
I beat the door in a frantic test.
The silence swallowed every cry—
The cabin, it seemed, enjoyed the sight.

Collapsed in fear on the dusty floor,
I spotted a glimmer beneath a board.

A golden plate with a riddle read:
A labyrinth waits in the worlds ahead,
Each clue you find, each door you free,
Will lead you further in mystery.
Behind each path, a trial awaits,
A choice that twists the hands of fate.

Before I could breathe, the lights snapped black—
My pulse raced wild, no turning back.
Then a spotlight cut through the shadows deep,
Revealing a figure too lost to speak.

A woman trapped in a cage of steel,
Eyes wide, unsure what was real.
She begged for help through trembling fear—
But the darkness whispered, "No one is here.”

I called to her softly, "I'm trapped too,"
But the cage between us split her view.
The labyrinth breathed with a wicked art,
Testing mind, testing heart.

A single spark passed through the gloom,
A quiet heat lit the room.
Her gaze brushed mine, a stolen touch,
A longing neither meant to clutch.

Though caged in iron, trapped and bound,
A quiet hunger curled around.
No vows were said, no chains undone,
Yet something deeper had begun.

The darkness watched with a jealous chill,
As tension climbed against our will.
Two strangers caught in wicked fate,
Whose hearts it sought to captivate.
But even in the quiet where the memories still ached,
a part of her kept whispering that she wasn't meant to break.

The bruises on her spirit
slowly faded into grace—
She learned that even wounded wings can lift you from a place.

One day the door that held her wasn't locked the way it seemed, and the girl who once felt powerless rose steady and redeemed.

She walked out of that shadowed cage with a trembling, fearless light—not running from the darkness, but reclaiming her own found light.

And when soft hands later touched her, they didn't try to hold her down;
they traced the shape of freedom like a halo she had found.

A kiss became a promise that she'd never feel confined, a breath against her collarbone rewriting her storyline.

In the warmth of gentle passion she discovered something true:
you can leave the cage behind and still let someone close to you.

For love that doesn't chain you
is the sweetest kind of flame—
it burns away the old ache
and calls you by your name.

She made it out—
not just surviving,
but alive in every way.
A woman forged from wildfire,
who learned desire doesn't prey.

Now every touch feels softer,
every kiss a healing page—
proof that even shattered hearts can rise and walk out of the cage.

---

Where Love and Intimacy Meet
When two hearts meet beneath the night,
 And every touch feels warm and right,
 There’s something deeper than desire,
 A quiet spark that feeds the fire.
It’s in the way you hold me near,
 The way your presence quiets fear,
 A thousand feelings, left unspoken,
 In every glance, a bond unbroken.
Intimacy is more than skin,
 It’s letting someone see within—
 The fragile places we conceal,
 And trusting them with what we feel.
Your heartbeat speaks against my own,
 And suddenly I’m not alone.
 The world grows still, the moment stays,
 As love surrounds us in its haze.
There’s something powerful in the way
 Two souls can meet and choose to stay—
 Where passion burns, but tenderness too,
 And every breath feels close to you.
For love can make a simple touch
 Feel like it somehow means so much.
 And when two hearts completely align,
 Your soul feels intertwined with mine.
Not every connection can run this deep, to
 Not every love can make hearts leap.
 But when desire and devotion start,
 Intimacy becomes the language of the heart.

ForgottenGifts of gold and diamonds, you can put away.
Those aren't the things that'll make me stay.
I long for thought, for love that's shown.
In ways that make me feel I'm known.

You go all out for others on special days,
With gifts and words and thoughtful displays.
But when it comes to me, it feels so small-
Like I barely matter to you at all.

All these years, I've stood with grace,
Doing my part to hold this place.
I mow the lawn, and put plants in the ground,
So you can rest, not run around.

My love is quiet, strong, and deep.
In things I give and time I keep.
But on special days, I feel left behind.
Like thoughts of me never cross your mind.

It's not what you give that holds my heart.
It's the effort you put into it, while we're apart.

On special days, I feel left out.
Like love was something you could do without.

I tell you these things to help you see.
To give a damn, to notice me.
Not for the chores or things I do.
But for all the love I give to you.

---

UnspokenI carry your name in the back of my mind throat,
Choking on syllables, with feelings, I spoke.
You walk through my thoughts more than you know.
Leading me, everywhere that I go.

Though convincing myself, silence is safer somehow,
But my heart always speaks, when my lips won't allow.
I've felt you beside me, felt truth in your eyes, in the spaces too honest to hide.

All I need is clarity that I wasn’t alone,
Where we made love down to the bone.
When the world fell quiet and the air felt alive,
Where eyes said more than what we tried to hide.

Ask me what lingers, I won't pretend,
It isn't the past and you as my friend.
It's the love I feel that won't let you go,
Lying deep in my heart, deep in my soul.

I won't chase a future that's not meant to be,
but I won't erase what was real to me.
Truths don't fade, they just learn how to wait,
As love stands still at an unopened gate.

---

The One I Can't Live WithoutThrough every storm, you stayed right by my side,
A constant friend, my heart's faithful guide.
When I felt lost, you helped me find my way.
You never left, you always chose to stay.

In every laugh and tear, you showed you cared,
With gentle words and love you always shared.
You saw the real me, broken yet still true,
And loved me hard in ways I never knew.

From friendship's roots, a deeper feeling grew,
A love so strong, so honest, so true.
It filled the spaces I didn't know were bare,
Never failing, you’re always there.

I can't imagine life without you near,
My best friend, my safe place, strong and sincere.
 

---

The Thread Between UsThere was no mistaking you.
your soul spoke to mine so clear and true.
Before our voices met with sound,
our hearts drew closer with every pound.

Between each breath, the silence grew,
a secret world for just us two.
Each glance a promise, soft and deep,
Surreptitiously, our hearts vowed to keep.

Now distance hums a mournful tune,
like tides that pull beneath the moon.
The thread remains though far and unknown,
A faint whisper calls both hearts home.

Somewhere high where dreams entwine,
I sometimes feel your heart beat with mine.

Though time may turn and seasons flee,
our bond still hums in memory.

No distance breaks what souls create,
no silence dulls what's in love's own fate.
And with every dusk, through every dawn,
there's a thread between us that lingers on.

But if letting go is something I'm forced to do,
I'll walk away slowly, while thinking of you.
The dreams I hoped for will fade from view.
For love still lingers —one heart split in two.

---

Pushed Me AwayYou pushed me away when I needed you near.
Turning your back on my love when my heart was sincere.
If I mattered at all, you would have kind words to say—But your actions speak louder with vengeance each day.

You say that you care, but your choices deny,
for you wouldn't cause tears to the one that stuck by your side.
You don't hurt the woman you want every day—
You hold her, you cherish her...you don't make her your prey.

I gave you my heart, and you let it just fall;
Now I know that I wasn't worth anything to you at all.
'Cause love doesn't push all the good things aside—
Love lifts, it protects, with unconditional love till the day you die.

---

I'm Over You NowI'm over you now, I don't even care,
I don't like your name or the weight that was there.
I don't like what you did, how you played with my soul, how you made me feel chosen, then shattered me whole.

You wrapped me in warmth, said I was "the one,"
made love feel eternal, like we'd just begun.
Then you vanished in silence, no truth, no goodbye,
Left me drowning in questions, alone asking why.

You broke my heart cold, then acted like I'm none,
like the love that I gave you had never begun.
I can't stand what you are, what you showed me you'd be because hatred wore your hands when you touched parts of me.

I've moved past your shadow, I see clear and true.
I'm better than pain that was shaped just like you.
I would never destroy what I claimed that I loved,
Never weaponize hearts or speak of bluff.

What you did came from darkness, from fear and from spite.
I could never love someone who runs from the light.
I'm better off free, and I finally see—
You lost something rare
because u forever lost me.

---

The One Who Loved In SilenceWe met beneath the silver sky, where hearts can speak, yet never lie.
You were the calm within my storm, the fire that kept me warm.

Although, love can frighten fragile souls, when healing hearts have hidden holes.
You felt too much, too soon, too deep,
So silence was the vow you’d keep.

You sailed away on waves of doubt, afraid to voice what love's about.
You thought that leaving would set you free,
Instead you chained yourself in memory.
You hide behind a steady face, though dreams still drift to your embrace.
You scroll through moments, soft and still, pretending our love wasn’t real.

You swear you moved beyond the ache, but hearts remember what they break.
You feel the weight of words unspoken,
A quiet truth your pride has broken.

Pride still whispers, soft, unsure—
"Stay silent; love can't be secure."
There you wait, both near and far,
A wish that hides beneath a scar.

---

Letting You GoI sit and think of long ago, when love was young and soft and slow—
When I felt you fall, and I fell too and all I wanted then was you.

We both made flaws, we both made scars.
We reached for healing through the dark.
Little by little, day by day,
I felt your love just slip away.

I tried to grow, to change my life, to pull myself up from the strife.
In the steps I took to rise, I lost more pieces of your eyes.

If love were something I could find,
I'd search through every place and time.
I'd gather all that once was true—
But I don't know where I lost you.

I'm sorry for the tears I made, for dragging love through storms we faced.
When the fog had lifted from my mind,
I tried to show you all the time.

In little ways you never saw, in bigger ones that broke my heart—
I wrote you poems from my soul, but still, your love grew faint and cold.

It cuts me deep when anger flies, when harsh words fall on your lip’s replies.
It breaks me when you curse or shove, for you're the man I deeply love.

To you I'm nothing—just a name,
A shadow, something small and plain.
But to me, you mean everything;
I'd face the world, bear anything.

I'd take the blow, I'd fight, I'd bleed,
I'd die for you, for you to proceed.
Though you would never do the same, my heart still whispers out your name.

Now this pain has grown too wide, too sharp, too heavy to survive.
It breaks my spirit, drains my breath—
It's dragged me close to thoughts of death.

I have to choose myself at last, I’ve let go of dreams tied to our past.
I can't keep breaking every day.
For that I can no longer stay.

I'll love you more than words can show,
A truth you'll never fully know.
You'll stay with me in my memory's glow, although now, I must let go.

---

Never ReturnedI thought it was love, but I guess I was blind.
You just played pretend and toyed with my mind.
I gave you my heart, my soul, every year.
Returned was your silence, your distance, and your love never here.

I thought maybe one day you'd love me the same-
how foolish to know I was your puppet on a string.

The harder I tried, the more I gave,
the deeper my heart got swept under the wave.

I built us a future and dreamed you'd be there.
But you never showed up, I looked for you everywhere.
Your love never deepened, it stayed cold and thin,
while I wore my heart raw, bleeding under my skin.

You stayed the same, while I broke and burned and all that I offered was never returned. 

I gave you it all, every tear, every touch, but you never once loved me, not even half as much.

I know now what I finally must do.
To love me much more than I ever loved you.

---

Bruised, but Not BrokenAll I ever tried to do was love you, every breath, every scar, every truth.
I gave you my heart, my arms wide open.
Then in return were promises broken.

You disrespected the soul that fed you.
Laid your hands where love never should have led you.
There is no reason, no excuse, no plea—
Violence is never love, especially not to me.

I'm tired of trying.
I'm tired of bending.
Tired of mending what you keep ending.
Tired of giving my all away when in return, I get pain..

I cleaned your messes, cooked your meals, to a worthless man as it reveals.
I built a home through love and pain while you stood there feeling no shame.

And still—no thanks.
No grace.
Just curses spit straight in my face.
I was never your equal, never your prize, just something to hurt when you hated your life.

I hate you for what you are.
I hate you for what you couldn't be.
I hate you for quitting on yourself—
And trying to bury the best of me.

But hear this truth from my own words,
You’ll never again see me hurt.
I’m stronger now thanks to you.
I found my strength, I found my truth.

I fought to reclaim my worth today,
The worth you tried to beat away.
My face is not something for you to hit.
True love doesn’t hurt, it uplifts.

There is nothing left in me to give—
I’m finished now, today I quit.

Speaking It Outloud

Why didn’t you say these things
when I was standing there?
Why didn’t you reach for me 
or show me you still cared?

Why tell me now that your love is true.
Only after all the hurt i was put through.
Deep inside, I was lonely and
you left me out in the rain.
Why speak the truth so softly now
after causing all this pain?

When I needed you the most, 
You were nowhere to be found.
But now I see you clearly and the words 
You speak out loud.

What was it that held you back,
what made you stay so still?
Was loving me too hard to say,
even though it was real?

You tell me now I meant the world,
you say I was enough,
but where were all those words before
when life was getting rough?

I searched for you for comfort,
for empathy somewhere, somehow,
but all the love you  hid back then
comes pouring out to me now.

So tell me what was louder then,
your fear, your pride, your doubt?
What made you choose to lock your heart
instead of speaking it out loud?
---

Chapter 4: Purpose & ReflectionThe World UnknownToday the world is not the same, just chaos and greed and fortune and fame.
No more compassion and respect like days of old.
When stories by campfires, warmed our souls.

We pursue after wealth, forgetting the cost.
As pieces of ourselves flake and fall off.
Greed takes over and love is displaced.

Where the seed of hate resides in its
place.
Fear and anger spread like the plague.
Consuming our thoughts and setting the stage.
A Theatre of madness now in the spotlight.
Disaster and pain, the sword of the
Knight.

---

Love & FaithTo believe in love is having faith without sight.
While holding on with all of your might.
Yet lingering doubts dance in our minds.
We waltz with our hearts, tender and blind.

Chained by our doubts, we long to be whole.
The answers we seek lie deep in our souls.
If we pause and listen, clarity will rise.
As love's soft whispers, will silence our cries.

Though the storms are fierce and full of rage.
The clouds will soften and quiet the rain.
Wiping away liquid pearls from our cheek.
Rays of the sun stretched out in reach.

Love's ink, like a permanent tattoo,
Sketching our portrait, displaying the truth.
Lines and circles pattern the design
with faith as the pencil drawing steady and blind.

Why?Why do we not listen?
Why do we not hear the sound in the distance?
Why do we feel we have to talk over a whisper?
Why can't we hear a voice a little more crisper?

Why do we doubt?
Why do we feel we can go without?
Why is this all that life's about?
Why do we want more but need less?
Why do you not already believe that we are blessed?

Why do we not already believe that we are blessed?
Why do some of us believe that greed is the only way to bleed?
When will stop the violence?
When will we start bowing our heads in silence?
When will we start to believe?

When will we start to grieve?
How is there not something more powerful than me?
When will love be the only thing that is?
When will we realize the only love is His:?

Why chase things that cannot be found?
Why do we look in the wrong places to find love abound?
When will we just take a moment to stop and think?
Why can we not find the moment to get our thoughts in sync?

Why does life pass by in a blur?
Why do we sometimes wish we could go back where we were?
Why do we strive for change if no one's willing to change?
Why are the broken left to deal with the pain?

Why can't we be thankful for each breath?
Each moment borrowed from the hands of death.
Why are there more questions than answers?
Why haven't we yet found a cure for cancer?
Why do these questions seek so many replies?
Why is it that we are told not to always ask why?

---

Wasted YearsLove carries the life we are given, a truth we've always known.
Yet hate and all its quiet evils are quick to bestow.

We take love for granted,
calling it meaningless or small,
forgetting how it stands  be beside us,
steadfast through it all.

But in this world of rushing hearts,
where patience has grown thin,
it's easier to join the chaos
then to rise above the sin.

We are a right now people—
an instant-gratification age.
Running fast but going nowhere,
turning life into a stage.

Everyone fights to get there first,
but no one stops to see
that the destination isn't worth the pain we spread to so many.

And as the days grow heavier,
we grow more unaware.
No one takes a moment to ask the reasons why or even cares.

The discipline once taught to us,
the wisdom of the years,
gets lost among distraction and unheard through timid ears.

But if we paused for just a breath
to truly look around,
we might uncover what we've lost and all the good be found.

---

Life's PurposeWe are all here to fulfill a Divine Purpose.
to know it requires
the willingness to unmask what's beneath the surface.
Traumatic events that occur in our lives make it difficult to recover.
While in the midst of agony, we demand to know the
reasons why we suffer. Despair will break us down and then build us up in so many ways. As long as we continue with life,
rather than taking an easy escape. 
By choosing to accept Life On Life's terms, we are choosing to believe,not only in ourselves,
but in something higher than a man's prestige. 
With belief, we began to trust that love may not be a delusion. 
With that,having hope to see past what's shattered and unsoothing.
Tragedies may entice us to feel abandoned and unloved.
Yet, love doesn't leave us, but it is we who leave love.
The quicker we learn to conquer despair, the sooner we'll know that love is always there.
What some of us see as love is only a facade.
The real love we feel comes from the Almighty God.
lf we search deep within ourselves, we will find out why we're here.
 Even with that found we still have more obstacles to persevere. 
The courses we complete will build our soul,so that we may leave here more righteous and bold. For if we go to heaven just as we are now, will we be worthy enough to be allowed?
Life is full of tests we take only to study for it later. 
It's the best way to
consume love and become something much greater.
Enlightenment comes after we throw away our sorrows, and remembering we are worthy of today and prominent for tomorrow.
With hope, we take that lesson and make it part of
ourselves and live by example for everyone else.
A great idea can easily be thought up by one, but it takes will, and dedication for the act to be done. 
Being aware of our own purpose just isn't enough, but to identify ourselves, as what God intended, shows others true love.
Life's not about the amount of material that one can gain.
 Although, that's the cause of ambition some of us strive to maintain.
It's only a distraction to hide the real truth, so we may only see the world in its trickery costume.
 Following the will of God is the only true success and living out our purpose so that others may
aspire to find themselves.

---
Why We're Here

We race through life with hurried feet,
Chasing victories, chasing defeat.
We build our walls, we stake our claim,
Then spend our lives protecting a name.

We argue over wrong and right,
And turn our neighbors into fights.
We count our dollars, count our years,
Yet rarely face our deepest fears.

We fill our days with endless noise,
Collecting things and temporary joys.
The louder life becomes each year,
The less we ask why we're really here.

Were we meant to conquer every land,
Or simply lend a helping hand?
To leave behind a trail of gold,
Or warm a heart when nights grow cold?

Some climb mountains seeking fame,
Some spend lifetimes chasing gain.
Yet when the final curtain falls,
None of us can keep it all.

The rich, the poor, the weak, the strong,
Are only passing through so long.
A borrowed breath, a fleeting stay,
Then like the sunset, fade away.

Perhaps we're here to love and learn,
To lift each other in return.
To plant good seeds we may not see,
And leave the world more kind than we.

But somewhere in the rush and fear,
Too many have forgotten why we're here.

Epilogue

Within these pages, I lie bare my heart, a tapestry woven from
threads of sorrow and hope, each poem, a whisper from the past, each line a step towards light where 
Love flows through every chapter,where profound words illuminate my journey. My journey through the depths of addiction, capturing the
struggles, the anguish, and the resilience required to break free. My narrative serves as both a cautionary tale and a testament to the human spirit's capacity for Redemption.
Through the lens of loss, we see the pain of losing parents, the void left behind, and the indomitable spirit that keeps their memory alive. My poetry reminds us that even in the face of heartbreak, love can endure as a guiding light. Ultimately, my life's work reflecting universal truth that our purpose, no
matter the trials we face, is to love. Love for ourselves, love for others, and for life itself. It's a reminder that even in the darkest of times, love can lead us back to the light. May my
experiences serve as a source of inspiration, empathy, and a testament to the power of love in the face of adversity.