Christmas Holiday 1963

Turmoil I cannot face
so I look at the sea surface
far into the distant horizon
none can my eyes trace
calm is the ocean today...

a dew drop in my lashes
washes my eye
none knows what it does next
as it rolls down my face

will my soul also remain
calm that way
I get up to smile
then see you standing in front of me
I cannot imagine how much you love me...

WHY?
why what?
WHY THAT?
you mean How?
HOW WHAT?
that
THAT WHAT?
the what you asked why about
OH, THAT.WHY DOES IT DO THAT?
you mean how does it do that?
YES, TELL ME HOW
physics!
BUT WHY DOES IT DO IT?
there is no why
WHY NOT?
why not what?
WHY IS THERE NO WHY?
inanimate objects have no agency
AM I AN INANIMATE OBJECT?
no
SO, I HAVE AGENCY?
yes
THEN I CAN ASK WHY
omg, ask away
WHY?

Then

... Time cuts itself
bleeds profusely ...

Lately,
I've been
watching myself
write
something or another;

outside,
the world
is doing its own thing:
blooming
idiots and pink carnations
inside a glass slipper,
threading a needle
chanting curses and lamentations
like a mantra to the dead

we all pray
to the ugly stepsisters of time
and so I write
this poem as if
I had nothing better to do.

I don't.

~~~

Now

My mind awaits fresh attire
The one am entitled to; every culmination of time,
The lightening trees worries me not,
But my neighbors in the glorified edifice
Put the oil in the crying pot,
Unleash the tied chicken for its execution is now,
a compliment for the waiting throat.

T’was the night before Christmas
And in his outhouse
Sat Ja quietly listening
To waltz’s, by Strauss. (Really, he was leafing thru Penthouse)

His shitter was fitted
With all manner of lights
That couldn’t be missed
No matter what heights

When up on the roof
There arose such a clatter
Ja, kicked open the door
To see, what was the matter

So there sat Ja
With his pants pulled down
His ass in a hole
On his forehead, a frown

Want me to talk of holidays
This is December you know
Or did the heat in your home
Distract you and make you blind.

A memory of the ocean from a child
There my parents would laugh
As we floundered in shallow waters
Warm sands held our feet for a moment

A bus waiting to take us home, Oh Joy.
Then I could not think of hunger
There in the warmth of my mother’s arms
The world was at peace, at least within me

I am a dog lover
all my thirteen dogs
really loved me

they have all passed into oblivion
only one
now speaks my language

I beckon
if there be a second version
of human or animal
heavens send me as a dog
to some lady
she will love me
more than any lady today loves her hubby
may you also bless me

kittens are sweet
but dogs are a treat
the other day they served me
dogs meat
them I did smash
and then did beat
in my rage and heat!

I'm looking for a metaphor
I left it in my top desk drawer
where I store all my fancier garble
under lock and key in a little box
behind a blank folder decored with
plastic color tabs

It was to remain in hiding
until the proper timing
t'was too good to squander on
lowly prose

it's been so long since
the light of day has squinted
past the lid, darkness had become
its preferred environ
like a once beautiful woman
hiding her decrepitation
under veils and seclusion

I can’t figure out why I never got bored
Taking the same exact runs
Down our little backyard hill that Christmas Day
Maybe it was the rush
Of brisk air on my cheeks
Or the swiftness of falling recklessly
But with control
For the first time in my tiny life
Maybe it was knowing
The breath I could see was real
Finally I could let it be
Snug and warm in my proud new snowsuit
Holding on to my siblings
Laughing like I always imagined kids might
Somehow we knew that day
The twisted branches and woods

I can't concentrate in church
My hard heart is beginning to clutch
The transparent porch
Of the image of the girl in church

My fingers would freeze on the piano
As my eyes catches a glimpse of the rainbow
Moving graciously in a row
Of the singers of soprano

A little while my heart is at rest
And suddenly beats with sorrowful zest
As if a higher force is making jest
Of me or is it a test?