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Jun 06, 2012
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The Spectrum (rhyme crimes)
Opposite ends of the wheel
the distance far too great
you've lost your sense of feel
and for me it's way too late.
— themoonman, Jun 06, 2012
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About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
scribbler
14 years 1 month ago
hi Richard
Good to see you use my favorite rhyme pattern (abab). Rhymes are exact. One of these days you'll write a lengthy poem and I'll die from shock (just kidding.......I think)...............stan
themoonman
14 years 1 month ago
thanks Stan,
This was merely a quatrain with proper rhyme,
more could be added but wouldn't want to be guilty
of shocking you (lol)
weirdelf
14 years 1 month ago
rhyme is fine
contenct lacking
themoonman
14 years 1 month ago
Thanks Jess,
ahhh, I'll have to work on it.
weirdelf
13 years 11 months ago
I've re-read it in a better mood
and like what it says. almost japanese in succinctity.
You can always trust me to be honest, but you can never trust my mood [grins]
judyanne
14 years 1 month ago
great richard
so far .... lol
wesley wanted at least two verses, so you'd better add another before he gets here and gives you the hardest assignment :)
and anyway - this needs more elaboration imho
as you well know - this is perfect rhyme xx
love judy
xxx
wesley snow
14 years 1 month ago
Judy and I both have no fear of "The Long Poem",
so we both always want more. I think I said "one OR two quatrains", but I'm not wading through it all to find out .
At any rate, we wanted a demonstration that the poet understood the leader's definition of a "proper" rhyme and you do.
I like the poem despite what Judy and Jess feel. Sure it needs fleshing out- it's only one and I'm not asking for quality until the third poem (at which time I may lose some participants due the complexity I'll demand).
wesley
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