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Aug 13, 2026
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Veiled Emergence
Dim light steals from the darkness,
While coals strain to heat the wet,
Transforming,
Air glows in rising currents,
A stool beckons.
The creaking crack while placement settles,
An earnest lean,
A sheen grows as heat embraces,
Shifting,
As a squint seeks focus.
Adapt; coalesce.
Then a moment.
Brightness.
The tightness quickens.
Flicker.
Shapeless form,
Its tendrils waking,
Quickly flows,
Morphing,
An image emerging.
A sudden shift,
The crossing gust,
Into whirling chaos,
Drifting,
Wisps in flux.
Rivers and lakes flow together,
Absorbing,
A veiled image twisted in light,
Amorphous,
Yet no final convergence.
— quietremnants, Aug 13, 2026
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About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Polished draft
Critiques
Ray Miller
2 days 9 hours ago
Veiled Emergence
I can't really get to grips with the poem, but I do like "An earnest lean" very much.
quietremnants
2 days 7 hours ago
Thanks! I appreciate the…
Thanks! I appreciate the read. When you say you couldn't quite get to grips with it, was it the subject itself that felt opaque, or was there something else that made it difficult to follow?
Ray Miller
2 days 4 hours ago
Veiled Emergence
I've read it several times and still can't work out what the subject is, what is emerging. I note the abundance of commas, surely you don't need all of them! Lines like
Time awaits to plumb its depths. Life in flux.
are just so vague, abstract. On the other hand I could just be dim.
quietremnants
2 days 3 hours ago
Ah, ok. I can see that would…
Ah, ok. I can see that would read much more abstract without the reference frame.
The poem is actually about a person watching steam rise and seeing images form in the vapour, seeing a particular image (in their mind at least) begin to form and change, willing it to form, but then the image simply shifting away, it never converges on the image the watcher wants.
On the commas: I tend towards commas typically as line endings, just naturally, I guess. I usually need a strong reason to opt for a different punctuation mark, but that could be just habit, honestly! For this poem, I actually intentionally chose commas to try and show the flowing nature of the vapour, except where the observer is in context.
Thanks for the feedback, it's greatly appreciated!
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