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Aug 13, 2026
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Mine Light
From a gloom that diminished me,
I clambered out of a dark hole,
Thankful for my sovereignty,
When exploring them pole to pole,
For giving myself every chance,
To thrive again dig deep be proud,
Free to sabotage my advance,
To choose what is or not allowed,
In a matrix of perceived fears,
Prey to projections overlaid,
Where I discovered, after years,
Compressed under life choices made,
That each load weighs to demonstrate,
Strength is laid down in seams like coal,
And in this hearth grows, beyond weight,
The rich lux of an ancient soul.
— Sid, Aug 13, 2026
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About This Poem
Last Few Words: Inspired by the poem Invictus
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Final polish
Critiques
quietremnants
3 days 10 hours ago
This poem reads like it’s…
This poem reads like it’s about getting out of a bad or difficult situation and finally finding agency.
The alternating rhyme works without being overly sing-song. The line length and consistency of rhyme is impressive and keeps the formal structure from taking over; it’s there, but as a pleasant underpin.
However, a couple of lines I couldn’t parse, e.g. “When exploring them pole to pole,”. Exploring the self? The hole? Who is “them”? And it’s unclear what “pole to pole” is meant to mean; it feels somewhat constructed to fit the rhyme.
The pacing felt good but a couple of lines were difficult to parse because of the lack of punctuation:
”To thrive again dig deep be proud” feels like multiple statements jammed together and made it difficult to parse the individual clauses. Perhaps a colon (or simply a comma if you prefer it more flowing) after “again” would help: “To thrive again: dig deep, be proud,”
“Compressed under life choices made”: is it life-choices made or “life, choices made,”. I kept wanting to read it as the latter but I’m not sure that’s your intent. I like the bimodality though, if you were reaching for both registers: life choices (larger, more life changing choices) and the more mundane choices that just come up in life. Both can be equally debilitating in their own way.
I like the arc you’ve built of digging out of a hole and pulling yourself up despite the past. It hits home and feels genuine.
Sid
1 day 11 hours ago
Thank you so much. That is…
Thank you so much. That is exactly the feedback I needed. I have spent years on this particular poem. I have gone over it and over it 'till I became word blind. You have given me my sight back, thank you. It's nice to have contact with someone who obviously knows what they're talking about.
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