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Where the Wild Thoughts Sleep
…but they don’t sleep, now do they.
They continually tap dance inside our heads,
sometimes just behind our weary eyes,
other times, we hear them rattling about
in our ears, moving large furniture -
legs of beds and tables
scuffling over the floor, scratching
into the wood as if they are carving
out a message once exclaimed by Max,
“Let the wild rumpus start!”
They are little monsters, these wild thoughts,
ready to party, ready to get fired up…
rowdy imps wheedling their way in,
bouncing around our brains, playing hopscotch,
or leap-frog,
or dodgeball.
We’d like to save the world.
We’d love to solve all its problems.
We’d love for the wildest thoughts
to tucker out, hunker down,
pop a squat
and take a load off.
Discover a cozy bed,
then sail off into dreamland.
And there, Somewhere,
they’d finally fall asleep.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
Ray Miller
5 days 13 hours ago
Where the Wild Thoughts Sleep
Enjoyed the read. Some thoughts on the beginning lines -.
…but they don’t sleep, do they?
They tap dance inside our heads,
just behind our weary eyes,
we hear them rattling about
in our ears, moving large furniture -
Lavender
1 day 21 hours ago
Hello, Ray,
Having the first line end with a question mark didn't look or feel quite sarcastic enough, so I hope the period gives it the snarky attitude I hoped.
I will consider your other suggestions. I'm always open to shaking off the unnecessary bits and pieces of a poem.
Thank you for reading!
L
Geezer
5 days 8 hours ago
This sounds...
exactly like my three boys!
The youngest was the closest to:
"We’d love for the wildest thoughts
to tucker out, hunker down,
pop a squat
and take a load off.
Discover a cozy bed,
then sail off into dreamland.
And there, Somewhere,
they’d finally fall asleep."
Because that as exactly what he did! He would just run out of his "energized bunny" mode and fall asleep behind the couch, in the doghouse with the dog or grandma's lap. Thanks for a look at another Wild Spirit. ~ Geezer.
.
Lavender
1 day 21 hours ago
Hello, Geezer,
Couldn't help but think of Max from Where the Wild Things Are within this contest theme.
It sounds like your boys were full of energy, too!
Thank you for reading, as always!
L
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