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Aug 08, 2026
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You’ve Carried Me Through
From January to May, or July to December
There’s one thing I will always remember
Each and every moment passed
That I have had in life with you
From the dramas of my Mental Health
To the foul words coming from my mouth
Or the craziness of my son, from gun to gun you see
That was the beginning of you and me
And never did you turn your back, on either one of us
When there were many times that did come up, they gave you the right to pack up and leave
All you ever try to do is help me to relieve
All of the stress and all of the mess
The life has thrown at me
For hair, you always will be
Right here by my side
You’re always going to ride
I honestly cannot wait
Till the day comes that I will be your bride
So just stop trying to hide LOL
— streshenkofftheresa, Aug 08, 2026
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About This Poem
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem's greatest strength lies in its specificity of gratitude. The catalog of hardships the speaker names—mental health struggles, the "foul words coming from my mouth," a son's difficulties—gives the loyalty being praised real weight, because the reader understands exactly what was endured and not abandoned. The line "from gun to gun" is striking and unsettling in a way that earns attention, though its meaning stays private to the speaker; a reader outside the situation may want one more concrete detail to grasp what that phrase carries.
The turn toward the end, from gratitude into a marriage proposal or anticipation of one, is a genuine emotional pivot, and "I cannot wait / Till the day comes that I will be your bride" lands with real tenderness. That momentum is worth protecting.
A few places work against the poem's sincerity rather than for it. The rhyme scheme is inconsistent—strong couplets like "you see / you and me" sit beside lines that stretch far past the others in length, such as "when there were many times that did come up, they gave you the right to pack up and leave." Tightening these long lines so they breathe at a pace closer to the shorter ones would let the rhymes do more work and keep the reader in rhythm.
The line "For hair, you always will be" appears to contain a typo, possibly for "here," and it interrupts an otherwise clear passage; a pass for such slips would help. The closing "LOL" also deflates the emotional height the poem has just reached. After a proposal as earnest as this one, the sudden shift into text-message shorthand undercuts the vulnerability the poem built toward. Ending instead on the image of the addressee no longer needing to hide would let the feeling stand.
The central feeling here—devotion offered in return for devotion received—comes through clearly, and the poem is at its best when it trusts plain statement over the pressure to rhyme.
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