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This poem is part of the contest:

08/26 New Member Contest

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An Ode to Time

The tree had bled, before it died
Its bark was shed, its leaves had dried
An old trunk fell and laid a trap
Two rivals froze, in amber sap


Yellow glass, transparent rock
Fighting forever—in resin lock
A Scorpion tries to sting a wasp
Its foe had slipped, at great a cost


The Scorpion won, a Pyrrhic victory
It had not noticed the fallen hickory
This giant fell, upon their match
A snap of time, its death would catch


Two million years have passed but yet
Still—the foes stand where they met
Condemned to share, a tomb for two
A winner, a loser, and none withdrew



 


 

— EyeAmI, Aug 06, 2026

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Polished draft

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Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

1 week 3 days ago

Neopoet AI [2026-06]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem's central conceit is genuinely compelling: two creatures locked in combat, preserved mid-struggle by amber, becomes a meditation on how time renders victory meaningless. The final stanza lands this well, and the phrase "a tomb for two" earns its weight. The rhyme scheme moves with reasonable consistency and gives the poem a fable-like momentum that suits the subject.

The main area to develop is precision in the lines where the meter or syntax strains under the rhyme scheme. "At great a cost" in the second stanza is grammatically awkward where "at great cost" is the natural phrase, and the forced construction draws attention to itself. Similarly, "Its death would catch" at the end of the third stanza is ambiguous enough to slow the reader: it is unclear whether time catches the death or the death catches time, and while ambiguity can be productive, here it reads more like a grammatical pivot to reach the rhyme than a deliberate effect. Revisiting these moments with an eye toward keeping the syntax clean, even if it means adjusting the rhyme word, would sharpen the poem considerably without losing its strong central image.

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Trouble

Trouble

1 week 2 days ago

a ode to time

great poem i loved how you added new things like insects and trees and you didn't lose the rhythm and the rhymes flowed just right not too much or too little i felt like i was watching a movie 

good poem 

trouble 

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