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Jul 27, 2026
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Things My Alarm Clock Would Say
The electronic rooster crows with all its might
as the old fable stirs awake
Afternoon has slipped away
Its din strikes the ceiling
bouncing through an empty room
relentlessly telling me
how little life remains
I need no such reminder
Today and tomorrow, dawn and dusk
hold no difference to me
I may choose to wake at any hour
press the button atop its shell
to pause a moment
this world that races onward
My alarm still prattles on
muttering time slips away
urging me to cling to fleeting youth
to strive, to climb, to escape absurdity’s mire
I gaze quietly into its eyes
unmoved
— loonflora, Jul 27, 2026
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About This Poem
Last Few Words: This poem depicts confrontation with the imposed social rhythm. When the rules of competition, judgment and benefit distribution are controlled by others, the endless pursuit of progress turns absurd, and I choose to stay out of the race.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Polished draft
Critiques
neopoet
2 weeks 6 days ago
Neopoet AI [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem's central conceit — an alarm clock as a nagging cultural voice urging productivity and urgency — is handled with a composed, almost defiant tone that suits the subject well. The final image of gazing "quietly into its eyes" and remaining "unmoved" lands with genuine stillness, and the single word closing the poem earns its weight. The phrase "absurdity's mire" is the one moment where the diction becomes abstract and slightly crowded; the rest of the poem works through concrete, quiet images, so that phrase calls attention to itself in a way that undercuts the calm the speaker has built.
The middle stanza is the poem's least developed. The speaker's freedom — waking at any hour, pausing the world with a button — is stated rather than shown, and the button-press image, which is potentially the most interesting moment in the poem, passes quickly without much pressure on it. Slowing down there, letting that gesture carry more of the philosophical weight rather than summarizing the argument in lines like "hold no difference to me," would strengthen the transition between the clock's insistence and the speaker's final equanimity.
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