Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jul 19, 2026
⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature
That Man
The solar heaven eclipsed the stellar heavens,
And an eternal green covered the earths,
Countless beasts,
Of sizes varying,
From a hundred feet high tiger demon,
To mere fox a 5 feet high,
Trees as high as hills,
And hills reaching the skies,
The mountains pierced the clouds,
And the earth dared to encroach on the heavenly dome,
But the world above was merely a façade,
For the truth lay beneath,
---
Beneath the layers of soil and rock,
Several kilometres beneath the earthly world,
Lay a cavity large enough,
To be called a world of its own,
In the cube shaped cavity,
Lay steel domes as far as the eye could see,
As if beasts resting underneath,
Seemingly awaiting a command to move,
Within the domes lay cities,
With roads of concrete,
Building made of an unrusting steel,
And vehicles without smoke,
On the roads perfectly straight,
Moved steel constructs,
Carrying materials,
Information and specimen,
Moving as if puppets,
Tied to strings,
On the solid steel bases of the dome,
Lay building,
Of material unknown,
Several hundred metres high,
Looking like capacitors and transistors,
Coupled with the traces akin to copper ones,
It seemed as if it was not a city,
But a motherboard,
---
Within the main building,
Of the central dome,
Stood a man,
Clad in white was he,
Beneath the white coat,
Armour of blue steel could be seen,
He swirled a pen in his hand,
Saying to a similarly dressed man behind,
"Junior brother Chen,
Did you not ask me,
What is the difference,
Between researchers and those walking the Dao?"
The man behind him,
Straightening his back,
Stopped the note taking he did,
And with a humble expression said,
"Indeed,
Senior brother Tian has got a sharp memory."
The man referred to as Tian smiled,
Stopped the swirling of his pen,
And pressed a button in front,
The space in front of them,
Fissured,
Slowly,
Cracking away as if dust fell off reality,
And a layer hidden,
Unfolded,
Pulsating with the starry essence,
Revealing a mirror of the stellar heavens,
Tian moved closer to the crack,
Examined it,
And said,
"Mark spatial strength,
Low level compared to the standard."
The man referred to as Chen,
Opened a virtual panel,
Recording the data on it,
Just as Chen,
Typed the last word,
Tian said,
"Junior brother,
The fool seeks a heaven above..."
Clenching his fist,
Tian looked at the void,
Placing his hand right in the spatial crack,
Saying,
"And the intellectual?
Seeks the abyssal layer beneath."
— Human Cultist, Jul 19, 2026
Share this poem
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Just writing a random scene that came to the mind, hope you like it!
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
2 days 3 hours ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem opens with a strong sense of scale, and the early stanzas establish the surface world efficiently. The pairing of "Trees as high as hills, / And hills reaching the skies, / The mountains pierced the clouds" builds a vertical momentum that pays off in the turn toward what lies beneath. That pivot line, "But the world above was merely a façade, / For the truth lay beneath," works as a hinge for the whole piece, redirecting attention from the natural spectacle to the hidden technological world.
The strongest passage is the extended motherboard image. The accumulation of detail across several stanzas—steel domes, straight roads, smokeless vehicles, buildings "looking like capacitors and transistors, / Coupled with the traces akin to copper ones"—earns the closing comparison "But a motherboard." Because the resemblance is built gradually rather than stated up front, the reveal lands with real force. This is the poem's clearest example of an image doing sustained work.
The final contrast is also memorable in concept: the fool seeking heaven above while the intellectual seeks the abyssal layer beneath. It ties back to the opening inversion of surface and depth, giving the poem a coherent frame.
A few areas do not yet land as cleanly. The dialogue between Tian and Chen carries most of the thematic weight, but Chen functions mainly as a prompt for Tian to speak, and his humble responses slow the momentum without adding much. Trimming his part would let the central question breathe and sharpen the aphoristic ending.
The description sometimes tells where it could show. Phrases like "Moving as if puppets, / Tied to strings" and "Of material unknown" summarize an impression rather than rendering it. The puppet-string image in particular restates what "Moved steel constructs, / Carrying materials" already implies. Cutting such lines would concentrate the more vivid concrete details.
There are also small grammatical slips worth attention. "Building made of an unrusting steel" and "Lay building, / Of material unknown" use singular where plural seems intended, and these recur enough to distract from otherwise controlled imagery. Consistency here would let the scale of the underground world register without friction.
One craft suggestion for the reveal of Tian: the layering of "Clad in white was he, / Beneath the white coat, / Armour of blue steel could be seen" is effective, but the inverted syntax of "Clad in white was he" sits at a different register than the plainer lines around it. Choosing one consistent voice for these descriptive moments would strengthen the atmosphere the poem is reaching for.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.
Join Neopoet to leave a critique
Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.