voices we allow/disallow

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem's central conceit — the mind as a structure with openings one can regulate — is clear and coherent, and the double rhyme scheme within each line (the internal rhyming pairs like "glass/pass," "gate/late," "tread/head") creates a pleasingly compressed, almost nursery-rhyme momentum that suits the theme of voices that lodge themselves without permission. The line "while others creep into our sleep and leave us less to bother" is the most quietly effective in the piece, because "less to bother" is genuinely ambiguous: it could mean less to worry about, or it could mean a self diminished, and that productive uncertainty is doing real work.

The place where the poem loses traction is in its diction, which tends toward abstraction just when concrete pressure is most needed. Phrases like "quiet gift," "noise and dust," and "shape us new" are familiar enough that they pass through the mind without catching — which is ironic, given that the poem is about exactly what does and does not catch. The final stanza especially settles into vagueness: "a gentle tone becomes our own" and "mend the seam of some old dream" feel like placeholders for an image that hasn't arrived yet. One avenue worth exploring is whether a single specific, sensory detail — the actual sound or texture of one of these voices — could anchor the abstraction somewhere in the poem, giving readers something to hold alongside the idea.

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 what the A.I. sees here; that the gentle-spun tone is never developed into a thread to sew/mend the seam; it was just vaguely alluded to.  ~ Geez. 

but I wondered what the A.I. was talking about and then it occurred to me that the thread was needed to mend the seam. ~ Geez.