Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jul 16, 2026
⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature
Hidden Narcissist
I'm alone when I'm with you,
Never here always there.
I'm hurting I need you,
But you are too far to care.
I Confronted you,
But I'm the monster?
A deep shade of green.
I apply your pink paint everyday
So, by no one, you are ever seen.
I turned your red flags into bunting,
Yay I survived another day!
I smoothed your cloven hooves,
And put your pitchfork away.
No tears before bedtime,
Trauma, take a long reprieve.
Feelings, flashbacks get in line.
It's time gentlemen please.
One day you will awaken
but I will not be there.
No one to tell to shut the fuck up
Nobody left to care.
Beware!
— The Eccentric poet, Jul 16, 2026
Share this poem
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
TheWanderer78
4 days 2 hours ago
This piece effectively…
This piece effectively expresses the feelings of emotional distance, disconnection, and loss associated with conflict in a relationship. The words are biting and the emotions feel authentic, but the piece tends to declare experience rather than emote it. Finding language that conveys the feelings of anger and loss through description of the feelings themselves rather than statements of their existence would go a long way towards adding to the poignancy of the piece. The second stanza also has five lines, while the others all have four, so revising it would make the flow feel more consistent. I think there's a strong central image here, but I'd like to experience the emotions rather than observe them.
Join Neopoet to leave a critique
Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.