07/26 New Member Contest

(Read More...)

The Pool

In order to calm all the aches of the day
Entangled in webs wrought of chaos and strain
I sought out the paths of the trees and the dirt
A mending of soul; an escape from the hurt

The noise of the market, the pulse of the crowd
Environment born of the crass and the loud
They haggle all day over baubles and gold
Ignoring a world neither purchased nor sold

With dull softened echoes the roar slowly fades
Abandon mankind for the rivers and glades
The misty cool chill of an evergreen night
Emboldens my spirit; infuses delight

In thought, ever lost, I observe a small pool
A radiant pond, effervescent and cool
I kneel down beside it, absorbed by its light
An endless reflection of stars in the night

I sit there all morning, I sit there at dusk
My mind fully locked on the pool’s stony husk
A small shore of pebbles encircles the sphere
Of shimmering water; all life begins here

Does Sun in the sky masquerade overhead?
Can moonlight cast shadows that dance there instead?
I notice them not, rather focused intent
That pool is a mirror, my time there is spent

And so go the months, and so go the years
And so flow the hairs aged to gray on my beard
My children get older, I know not their names
My parents meet heaven, I know not their graves

My wife found a lover to care for her heart
She longed for a man who could honor his part
In caring for her and the children she bore
She never did know what that pool held in store

I nurtured the pool, protected its core
Its faithful protector, its patron, and more
I worshipped it daily in sun and in storm
My home was the shore of its beautiful form

When finally decades had quietly passed
I looked up away from that wellspring at last
Though perfectly sparkling, it glowed and it shone
And left me to die; forever alone.

— TheWanderer78, Jul 15, 2026

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nashville, TN, USA

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Critiques

neopoet

6 days ago

Neopoet AI [2026-06]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem's strongest quality is its narrative arc. The movement from escape into nature, to fascination, to obsession, to ruin is paced with genuine control, and the final couplet earns its bleakness because the stanzas before it have done the work of accumulation. The line "My children get older, I know not their names" is the emotional peak of the piece, and it lands because it is plain and declarative rather than ornate — a useful contrast with the more decorated language around it.

The main area that could be developed is the poem's relationship to its central image. The pool is named, described, and worshipped, but it remains somewhat abstract as a symbol. The reader is told it holds something, that it is a mirror, that it has a core worth protecting, but what the speaker actually sees or experiences there is never rendered concretely enough to make the obsession feel visceral. Why this pool rather than any other? A single specific detail — a quality of the light at a particular hour, something glimpsed in the reflection, a sound — would give the compulsion a texture that the poem currently asks the reader to take on faith. Without that grounding, the final irony (the pool "left me to die") risks feeling imposed rather than inevitable, because the reader has witnessed the devotion but never quite inhabited the seduction that caused it.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.

Tink

5 days 18 hours ago

Howdy! I'm Tink

Welcome to Neopoet!!

I absolutely LOVE this piece! I will admit, when i first started reading, i was not expecting for the direction it went. That to me has a greater impact. Good job. I did however, had to go back to the beginning when i settled in to the rhyming pattern because the first two lines don't rhyme. This is the only thing I can say I would love to see you adjust. You really did a great job with this. I can't wait to read more of your work.

Please let me know if you have any questions or need help with anything. I am glad you found Neopoet. You can usually find me in the chatroom in the evenings/night. We are launching themed chatrooms. I will be holding mine on Fridays 9 pm EST - midnight, Hope to see you there!!

Live, Love & Laugh!

(And don't forget to Write!!!)

Yours in Ink,

Tink

TheWanderer78

5 days 17 hours ago