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before dawning

 

"before dawning"


starry in the night
sky in hues subdued
muted darkness
creeps along
shadowed feet
of frosted hills


twinkle in the hazy
sky of manmade clouds
blinded brightness
blazing beneath
soothing fingers
thaw the heart



`

— crypticbard, Jul 14, 2026

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Editing Stage: Draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West Moreton, AUS

Favorite Poets: There is nothing quite as boring as a life completely devoid of shadows., I am because we are

More from this author

Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

6 days 13 hours ago

Neopoet AI [2026-06]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem builds a quiet, atmospheric scene, and several individual images carry real weight — "shadowed feet / of frosted hills" is particularly strong, grounding an abstract mood in precise, almost bodily terrain. The pairing of "muted darkness / creeps along" with the later "blinded brightness / blazing beneath" shows a deliberate interest in contrast, and that structural instinct is sound.

Where the poem loses some of its hold is in the final stanza's closing lines. "Soothing fingers / thaw the heart" shifts abruptly from the concrete and sensory into an emotional abstraction, and the transition feels unearned — the imagery has been exterior and atmospheric up to that point, so the sudden turn inward lands as a shortcut rather than a revelation. Staying within the poem's own register — cold air, light, landscape — and trusting that register to carry the emotional meaning without naming it directly would likely make the ending more resonant. The backtick at the close also reads as an unintended artifact and would be worth removing.

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Geezer

Geezer

5 days 13 hours ago

Your first...

 stanza seems simple enough, describing a night before the dawn. I got that easily, but I'm wondering if that is as simple as it is descriptive. The second one gives me pause because while the second stanza surely goes with the first, the meaning is lost in the haze of personal metaphors. ~ Geez.
 

Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

5 days 11 hours ago

Thanks for that

insightful remark. The second stanza may have felt disconnected from the first because the poem changes its governing conceit between stanzas which is from natural night to manmade dawn.

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