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Jun 30, 2026
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got the blues
it just can't be that way .
it was stolen . . .
snatched from his labors .
serving it up hot , with that gunpowder taste .
truth be told , the stuff is ancient old .
right ? it's got that . . .
that real strange flavor .
an overwhelming since
of bliss .
from a pardon , when your wrong
sliding down the razor sharp edge
of a nationalistic pledge .
with clashing tanto sabres.
brilliantly wielding the grey white steel .
battles have forged her able .
black-jack boots . . .
need more proof ?
check the rolls of migrant workers .
some ole white dudes gone berserker .
jesus . . . knew ,
not to trust the stones .
rattling like skull and bones .
they can't break the fall .
he knew it all along .
so , his band fired off
a real sad song .
blew the windows ,
and his neighbors
e.a. noe henry
— e.a. noe henry, Jun 30, 2026
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About This Poem
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem works best in its middle section, where the imagery earns its energy. "Sliding down the razor sharp edge / of a nationalistic pledge" and "battles have forged her able" carry genuine tension, and the elliptical, fragmented syntax suits a blues idiom well — the pauses and trailing dots feel like rests in a musical phrase rather than mere punctuation flourishes. The shift into the Jesus passage also has momentum, and "rattling like skull and bones" is a strong, compact image.
The main difficulty is that the poem's opening and closing do not yet hold together with that middle. The opening lines ("it just can't be that way / it was stolen") are too vague to anchor a reader — the referent of "it" never becomes clear enough to generate the blues feeling of specific loss the title promises. The closing is even more abrupt: "blew the windows / and his neighbors" stops without resolution or resonance, and it is hard to tell whether this is an intentional cut or an incomplete line. There is also a homophone slip — "since" for "sense" — that pulls a reader out of the poem at a vulnerable moment. Tightening the opening to name or suggest what was stolen, and giving the final image one more beat to land, would considerably strengthen the whole arc.
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Geezer
3 weeks ago
Blues blown...
Since you seem to have a pretty good vocabulary and some wide-ranging knowledge, I am tempted to believe that a couple of misspellings are deliberate.
Since for sense
when [you're] wrong. Why? Is there some reason in particular?
I'm thinking that the Blues reference in the title is one of suggestion that the "American Dream" has been stolen from the "blue-collar" workers. Not too sure about the last passage, but a friend of mine has suggested that since the neighbors were upset, that maybe... their minds were blown?
I really get the slant rhyme, and think that this is a very good example of it.
Nicely done, ~ Geezer.
e.a. noe henry
2 weeks 5 days ago
blues poem
you know , thinking about it , more , i realize that what has been " snatched from his labors " is probably the easiest of mysteries to figure out , cause your right . it's everything man ! it's what we loose everyday to government to the five dollar internet hustle , that may never go noticed in a statement , it's every fucking thing that comes out of our pockets or our time . occasionally out of our hides as well . this guy knows , he knows whats in the food we eat and the air we breath , he's tired of it , even feels his teachings on jesus are or have once been " changed " no ... man it's there , what i wanted to say and i hope this clears things up cause it makes perfect sense ... to me . oh .... oh my , the spelling ...., hmmmmm. yea ..... yea i suck . so , either i get better or continue to endure these comments ( of which i don't mind .. at all ) lets look at it sensible , i'm 60 i never went to high school , i got a ged out of 8th grade , i missed alot , and i guess some of alot was spelling , i will try to do better , i thank you for your comment , no i'm not innocent , so i'll try and do better on all your suggestions , this is why i'm posting , i'm new here of course so, thanks for the feedback , really peace e.a.
Geezer
2 weeks 5 days ago
Okay...
so, you aren't the best speller in the world, not a big deal. Just thought that it may have been intentional, and wanted to know why? And yes... this why we are all here; [at least the majority of us]. We want to increase our knowledge, write better, and maybe even get one [or more] of our poems in the anthology. Some of us have bigger aspirations and want to make a living or just some extra cash from writing; no matter, I get it. ~ Geezer
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