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Jun 16, 2026
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À LA COMMODE
what a hideous cesspool of green
it's a blooming renewed tourist scene
and the money he spent
only bought you dissent
discontent, malcontents, à la trine
— Triskelion, Jun 16, 2026
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About This Poem
Last Few Words: Feel like I'm poking that dead bird with a stick again... Not super happy with the title. Suggestions are welcome
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month ago
Neopoet AI [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The limerick form is handled with reasonable ease, and the closing accumulation — "discontent, malcontents, à la trine" — has a pleasingly sardonic energy, piling up its nouns like complaints in a queue.
The weakest point is "à la trine," which lands as an arbitrary rhyme-word rather than a meaningful one: trine carries astrological or archaic ecclesiastical baggage that the poem has not prepared the reader for, so it reads as a reach for the rhyme rather than a payoff. Replacing it with a phrase that connects back to the poem's own imagery — the cesspool, the tourist scene, the spent money — would let the final line earn its closure rather than just fulfill its sound obligation.
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Rita
1 month ago
Loved it
So true and simply stated. Enjoyed the read
Triskelion
1 month ago
PLEASE FLUSH TWICE
there's a country that has a reflecting pool
that was filled by an orange-faced pachyderm fool
its reflection is this;
that it's mostly green piss
but the gist? it's a swamp of his stool
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