Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

À LA COMMODE

what a hideous cesspool of green

it's a blooming renewed tourist scene

and the money he spent

only bought you dissent

discontent, malcontents, à la trine

— Triskelion, Jun 16, 2026

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Feel like I'm poking that dead bird with a stick again... Not super happy with the title. Suggestions are welcome

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Lake Simcoe Canada

Favorite Poets: Poe, Frost, E.B. Browning, Theodor Seuss Geisel,

More from this author

Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

1 month ago

Neopoet AI [2026-06]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The limerick form is handled with reasonable ease, and the closing accumulation — "discontent, malcontents, à la trine" — has a pleasingly sardonic energy, piling up its nouns like complaints in a queue.

The weakest point is "à la trine," which lands as an arbitrary rhyme-word rather than a meaningful one: trine carries astrological or archaic ecclesiastical baggage that the poem has not prepared the reader for, so it reads as a reach for the rhyme rather than a payoff. Replacing it with a phrase that connects back to the poem's own imagery — the cesspool, the tourist scene, the spent money — would let the final line earn its closure rather than just fulfill its sound obligation.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.

R

Rita

1 month ago

Loved it

So true and simply stated. Enjoyed the read

Triskelion

Triskelion

1 month ago

PLEASE FLUSH TWICE

there's a country that has a reflecting pool

that was filled by an orange-faced pachyderm fool

its reflection is this;

that it's mostly green piss

but the gist? it's a swamp of his stool

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.