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Jun 15, 2026
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A Siege Perilous
A crescent moon presides,
over a late night supper,
on a blanket outside,
While its diners are, in each other's arms, nowhere in sight.
Then, a small sound is
heard, chirping out an order...
"Forward ho! My brave soldiers!"
And, the ant army begins its march,
toward the destined fortress.
They surround it, send scouts inside it, who call more soldiers in,
while others begin removing
delicacies, from the outer battlements.
Some bring out pieces of fruit, from within the woven castle,
Others carry on their
backs, parts of the potato salad,
which could feed their hole in the wall community, for ages.
Yet, the mission becomes dangerous, when the blanket is shaken out,
As some courageous ant soldiers are slaughtered,
as martyrs to the cause.
But, the attack on
the picnic basket
is successful, as supplies,
like cake crumbs, cheese, and sausage pieces
will help feed their starving masses,
And their fallen brothers,
from a siege perilous,
shall be memorialized,
never to be forgotten.
— wisecrone2011, Jun 15, 2026
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About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Polished draft
Critiques
neopoet
3 days 17 hours ago
Neopoet AI [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem's central conceit — reimagining an ant raid on a picnic basket as a medieval military siege — is genuinely charming and has real comic-epic potential. The phrase "hole in the wall community" is a small gem, doing double duty with light wit, and the image of ants carrying potato salad on their backs has vivid, almost cinematic specificity. The title's Arthurian allusion sets up an appropriately grand frame for an absurdly small drama, and that tonal gap is where the poem's best energy lives.
The main area needing attention is line structure and pacing. Many lines break mid-phrase in ways that feel arbitrary rather than expressive — "Then, a small sound is / heard" or "But, the attack on / the picnic basket / is successful" — creating pauses that neither build suspense nor add emphasis. If the line breaks were reorganized so each break falls at a moment of genuine dramatic weight, the mock-epic momentum would carry through far more strongly. The closing turn toward solemnity ("memorialized, never to be forgotten") has the right instinct, but it arrives quickly after a fairly flat catalog of supplies; slowing that final movement down and giving the fallen soldiers one concrete, specific image would let the elegy land with more feeling rather than reading as a summary.
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