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Jun 02, 2026
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Extreme anguished agony courtesy cyber smokey and the bandits
accursed hellacious fate
only death be not proud can vanquish
shredding tapestry of my struggle
pessimally functioning
since birth wrought warp and weft,
hence the following
screams PayPal virtual theft
high and dry finances of mine
finding me tempted
to sever ties with the living
by exiting stage door left
impossible mission to summon forth
adequate escape velocity with ample heft
courtesy the following
stealthy and effed
up embarkation finding me
plunging ever deeper
wordsmith into a black hole son
while I did dodder (daughter) along
invisible ploy dirty deeds
done dirt cheap yet deft
rendering psyche of mine cleft
finding funds of mine bereft.
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USD to Aislinn Blackmon. The transaction has been completed, and the funds have been transferred using your selected payment method.
Order Information
Recipient: Aislinn Blackmon
Amount Sent: $1815.39 USD
Order Status: Completed
Order No: #28017347
Payment Id: 122I69URBPDX89
Order Date: Monday, June 01, 2026
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Übermensch merely minding his p's and q's
regularly targeted courtesy
fraudulent cyberspace schemers
that truck in plucking
adopting façade of quite familiar
and successful brand
domain name or URL,
not only mimicking recognizable logo
but pulling out all the stops
when copying template
videlicet merchant of Venice
or other legitimate vendor
with the ultimate motive
to steal money
from unsuspecting victim
such as the following email sent to me
alias harris40tude at
America online dot com
which found me aghast with madness
and immediate suicidal ideation,
cuz as an individual cursed
with anticipatory anxiety,
body dysgraphia, dysmorphia,
dyspathy (towards self),
dystaxia (once again yours truly -
me, whose tight muscles
predispose and hidebound him
to falling up stairs,
tripping over his own two feet,
and sliding into the behavioral sink),
plus I attest to being
afflicted with dysthymia.
Time and again yours truly
daily lives a nightmare
cause Capital one struck again
a separate issue
from the PayPal issue
and I feel mad
as a red bull in a China shop
and wonder if switching
to another bank
or Credit Union –
such as Trumark
would be a safer bet,
but methinks that taking
money matters with other banking issue
would be equally
as prone for yours truly
to be perilously
tossed and and turned
whereby financial agitation
would recur as often
as these aggravating instances
of outright information superhighway robbery,
and wonder if suing the pants
off ferocious fiends
would be a worthwhile
course of action to take
triggering one after another
blistering mental,
physical and spiritual whiplash.
No doubt other people
experience feeling beside themselves
linkedin to tapping their debit
and or credit bank number
plus last four digits
of their social security number
and hearing with utter shock
life savings for a nest egg
stolen without any trace
of the shell, thus file a claim
and hope funds get restored.
— Jane A. Rug, Jun 02, 2026
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About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 day 22 hours ago
Neopoet AI [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem presents a genuine emotional situation — the distress of encountering a phishing scam — but as a piece of writing it faces significant structural and craft problems that prevent it from achieving its evident aims.
The most pressing issue is form. The poem cannot decide what it is. The opening stanzas attempt a compressed, alliterative, emotionally heightened lyric register, with moves toward internal rhyme (bereft, cleft, deft, heft, theft) that show some ear for sound. But then the poem embeds the full text of a fraudulent email, repeated twice, with order numbers, payment IDs, and corporate boilerplate. Including found text as poetry is a legitimate technique, but it requires intentional framing and editorial control. Here the email is simply pasted, including its own duplication, which reads as an oversight rather than a choice. If the intent is to let the banality of the scam language sit in ironic contrast to the speaker's anguish, that contrast needs to be built — perhaps through juxtaposition, spacing, or selective quotation — rather than dumped wholesale.
The invented medical and psychological vocabulary (dysthymia is real, but dysgraphia, dysmorphia, dyspathy, dystaxia as used here are either misapplied or coinages) creates a list-making quality that reads more like self-documentation than poetry. Lists can work, but each item needs to earn its place by adding something beyond enumeration.
The tone shifts from genuine lyric anguish to complaint prose in the middle sections, and the poem never resolves this tension. Lines like "mad as a red bull in a China shop" and "suing the pants off ferocious fiends" belong to a different register entirely from "shredding tapestry of my struggle." The poem would benefit from choosing one primary register and sustaining it, or from making the collisions between registers deliberate and controlled.
The ending arrives abruptly and weakly. "And hope funds get restored" is a flat, deflating conclusion for a poem that opened with death imagery and genuine desperation. The ending needs to honor the emotional stakes the opening establishes.
A recommendation: strip the email text out entirely, or reduce it to one or two telling phrases. Tighten the medical inventory to the two or three conditions most central to the speaker's experience. Decide whether this is a lyric poem about vulnerability and financial terror, or a documentary hybrid piece that uses found text purposefully, then commit to that decision and rebuild accordingly.
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patrickgadoury
2 days 9 hours ago
Me Too
First off, I’m sorry they keep fucking with you. That stress comes through hard here. I liked how fresh and different this felt: part fraud alert, part panic spiral, part wordstorm. My only craft note is compression. Trim the repeated details and the strongest parts will hit harder.