Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Memorial Day – 2026... the brightest and I attest
lifeless bodies bedecked,
donned and hashtagged
with trappings of battle hymns
strong and brave men and women
gave their level best
crème de la crème
strongest and bravest
leaving grieving significant others
with emotional agony
within treasured chest
o'er the redoubt
the enemy did crest,
where lovely bones
of forebears for everest
battling hostility over
well fought over ass strew turf
among warring factions finessed
in manicured cemeteries
(sacred burial grounds) ye guessed,
whence reduced to lovely bones
casualty of war didst buzzfeed
seconds before being gunned down
unlike in practice drills
with levity and camaraderie
found gallows humor to jest
peace mongers lost stalwart soldier,
where moments before comrades
in arms did hotly protest
fealty of instruments to slay
wantonly and indiscriminately
self evident with dead bodies
who gave their last
dying breath as testament
strewn as they were felled
helter skelter across killing fields
forsook their lives eternal peace they rest
mortally wounded forever immune
to post traumatic stress
honored and revered succumbed mortal
electric kool-aid acid test
though I question if sacrificed life
worth a spit of land to wrest,
but nevertheless with bravado
gave full measure of primal zest.
Now pardon ma faux pas
indicative of generic geek
a reasonable poo whet tick rhyme,
from dis po' pa try'n to be sleek
original poem crafted years gone by
necessitated minor tweak
where sense and sensibility weak.
Officially called Decoration Day
proclaimed on 5 May 1868
by General John Logan
first observed on 30 May 1868
Waterloo N.Y. officially
declared the birthplace
by President Lyndon Johnson in May 1966.
Though eight score minus one year
(minor emendation regarding time frame
since original date I crafted poem)
Appomattox, a psychological balm
helped stitch frayed nation to calm
until hell on earth
killed, obliterated, and rained napalm,
(a portmanteau of two
of the constituents
of the original thickening
and gelling agents:
coprecipitated aluminium salts
of naphthenic acid
and palmitic acid)
served as silent psalm
since bombardment at Fort Sumter qualm
including intervening wars
such as raging battles on the Somme
and the war between
Northern and Southern Vietnam.
National holiday most adept
at uniting Civil War fallen soldiers
when fiercely armed
as brothers in arms crept
taking pages from playbook
of previous brilliant ploys
fueled the battle plans except
when they went off script
against opposing forces, which took
by surprise “enemies” or found inept
ill prepared troops with surprise mortal
blow which ambushed attackers leapt
mowing down valiant soldiers, thus
becoming slain grooms who eternally slept
sorrowful lamentable hymns from
widowed brides tears wept.
Cease fire that day
terminating internecine flay
o’er mounds of earth whence
bones o boys donned blue or gray
a day of remembrance for those
who died in our nation's service lay
celebrated this last Monday every May
one must know tis not about division
boot about reconciliation
and sacrifice brave heroes did pay,
the price of their lives for granted
freedoms enjoyed as american lee-way.
Forsooth, now we cherish too, the Poppy red
that grows on fields where valor led,
it seems to signal to the skies
that blood of heroes never dies
acknowledged courtesy bunting
(strings of colorful, monochrome,
beige triangular flags and lengths
of fabric in the colors of national flags
engraved name upon tombstone
emblazoned words recognizing
ultimate service to life,
liberty and perhaps fresh cut flowers
memorializing plethora of unspoken hashtags
gathered and draped into swags
or pleated into fan shapes)
visibly draped and/or hung
honoring the dead.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 week 5 days ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem ambitiously tackles the complex and solemn subject of Memorial Day, weaving historical references with reflections on sacrifice and remembrance. The effort to blend contemporary language—such as “hashtagged” and “buzzfeed”—with traditional poetic forms creates a striking contrast that underscores the tension between modern commemoration and the enduring gravity of war’s cost.
Strengths: - The poem’s scope is broad, encompassing historical milestones, battlefield imagery, and cultural symbols like the poppy and bunting, which enrich the thematic texture. - The use of varied diction, from formal (“forsooth,” “o’er the redoubt”) to colloquial (“poo whet tick rhyme,” “ass strew turf”), adds a distinctive voice that challenges conventional solemnity and invites deeper engagement. - The inclusion of chemical details about napalm is unexpected and lends a sobering factual weight that contrasts with the poem’s more lyrical moments.
Areas for improvement: 1. **Clarity and coherence:** The poem’s dense layering of images and shifts in tone sometimes obscure the central message. For example, lines like “well fought over ass strew turf” and “electric kool-aid acid test” may confuse readers unfamiliar with these references or their intended metaphorical significance. Consider refining or contextualizing such phrases to enhance accessibility without sacrificing complexity.
2. **Rhythm and flow:** The poem’s irregular line lengths and punctuation create a somewhat fragmented reading experience. Introducing more consistent rhythmic patterns or deliberate pauses could help guide the reader through the transitions between historical narrative, personal reflection, and cultural commentary.
3. **Structural organization:** The poem moves between historical facts, personal musings, and symbolic imagery in a way that occasionally feels disjointed. Grouping related ideas into clearer stanzas or sections might improve the overall cohesion and impact.
4. **Tone consistency:** The interplay between humor, irony, and reverence is intriguing but occasionally jarring. For instance, the self-referential stanza about “a reasonable poo whet tick rhyme” injects levity but interrupts the solemn mood. Clarifying the intended effect of these tonal shifts could strengthen the poem’s emotional resonance.
5. **Line breaks and formatting:** Some enjambments and line breaks appear arbitrary, which can disrupt the poem’s pacing and emphasis. Reconsidering these choices to highlight key phrases or images would enhance readability and thematic emphasis.
Overall, the poem’s ambitious engagement with Memorial Day’s history and symbolism is commendable. Focusing on clarity, structural coherence, and tonal balance will help the poem communicate its powerful themes more effectively to a broad audience.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.