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Wishful thinking
Wishful thinking
The warm days
In the fall are over
Now I have to
Be thankful
For the warm days
My Father gave to me
Now the warm days are over
And the leaves are changing
Its color
From green to gold
Yes there are some dead leaves
In the ground
Some people are raking
The dead leaves
Couple more days
And thangs giving will
Be here
We will share a meal with
Our families
And at the same time
We will give thanks to God
For what we have
There is no body else that
Made the nature
So beautiful like God did
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Critiques
neopoet
2 weeks 5 days ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem captures a reflective mood centered on the transition from warm days to the fall season and the theme of gratitude. The imagery of changing leaves and the anticipation of Thanksgiving creates a familiar and comforting atmosphere.
To enhance the poem's impact, consider the following suggestions:
1. **Line Breaks and Punctuation:** The current structure uses many short lines and minimal punctuation, which can interrupt the flow. Introducing punctuation and varying line lengths could improve readability and rhythm. For example, combining related ideas into fuller lines might create a smoother narrative.
2. **Consistency in Tone and Language:** There are moments where the language feels informal or slightly inconsistent, such as "thangs giving will / Be here." Clarifying and standardizing spelling and phrasing will strengthen the poem's voice.
3. **Imagery and Detail:** While the poem references the changing leaves and raking, expanding on sensory details (sight, sound, smell) could deepen the reader's immersion. For instance, describing the crunch of leaves underfoot or the crispness in the air would enrich the scene.
4. **Thematic Development:** The poem moves from personal reflection to a broader spiritual gratitude. Developing this transition more clearly could enhance the emotional resonance. Perhaps exploring the relationship between the natural world and divine creation with more nuance would add depth.
5. **Grammar and Word Choice:** Some phrases could be refined for clarity and correctness, such as "Its color / From green to gold" (consider "Their color" to agree with "leaves") and "There is no body else that / Made the nature" (perhaps "Nobody else has made nature").
Overall, focusing on these areas will help the poem communicate its themes more powerfully and engage readers more fully.
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