Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
May 17, 2026
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Carcass
My wings flutter,
cutting through a vein.
The tang of blood flows into my mouth,
burning down my throat.
All I can do is swallow it up
until my stomach bursts,
and I become what feeds the starving land.
— Summer Days, May 17, 2026
Share this poem
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Critiques
Geezer
1 week 6 days ago
I'm thinking...
that the minimalist lines, short and blunt, give this piece the stark reality of being at once, both the victim and the predator. Do we become the scourge of freedom? Do we suck up the "bad" blood until we burst and paint the rest of society with the bloody bile of what passes for freedom of speech? I felt the disgust of a chronic dieter, bingeing and purging, and unable to keep control. ~ Geezer.
Summer Days
1 week 6 days ago
@Geezer Thank you for reading
That's good to hear about short lines working as intended because I am trying to use less words in my poetry to make it more blunt because I felt like my older poetry often explained too much and had too many unnecessary words.
Thank you so much for reading and for your thoughtful comment.
Geezer
1 week 6 days ago
It is however...
necessary to remember that you mustn't ignore a critical element, such as: Are your wings what cuts the vein? Could it be said as; "I cut through the vein"? ~ Geezer.