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I Had a Great Blog Written
And then I hit the wrong key and it was gone.
Damn.
This is a different thought, I may get back to the original, I may not.
There are many things I do not understand. One of these is the motivation for what appears to me to be destructive behaviour.
Oh, I get that all behaviour by an individual is considered either right or justified and is pursued as a result of this. This was clear to me around the time I was 16 and was the result of a conversation I had with a friend. He pointed it out, I thought about it, agreed, and have tested it continuously for 33 years and have never found it to be incorrect.
So I do understand that part of it, the right or justified thing, what I am missing is the brain wiring required to repeat erroneous steps and wait for a difference of outcome.
I can only conclude that some emotional need is fulfilled which outweighs the consequences and so the action continues even though the result is inevitable. Which is why even though I do not understand people, I am an excellent predictor of behaviour and, by extension, adept at identifying what will set someone off.
But back to the main point. Many times people will publicly indicate they are unhappy about a situation. They will decry the situation, announce to the world the injustice of it, and then do nothing to change it. Now if the situation is beyond their reach, perhaps all they can do is draw attention to it but where I differ from some people is that I have a very narrow definition of what is beyond my reach.
My personal behavior is not beyond my reach. If I am engaged in behaviour I represent is harmful to me, I will change it or acknowledge that I perceive a benefit that exceeds the harm. Thus I do not whine about things being unfair.
By extension, if I join a community that has rules, I do my best to abide by the rules and make apologies when I tread over the line. if I view a rule as unfair or ill-advised, I'll work to change it. I'll lay out my argument and ask that it be considered and if the decision goes against me I will either let it go or remove myself depending on how seriously I view the issue.
To me it is really that simple.
So I miss the point of the constant whining about rules. If they are not secret, then they cannot be a surprise. If you join an activity and refuse to review the rules and then get bitten by your behaviour, I am missing the point where it is anything other than a:
"Yo! Pay attention!"
Moment.
For me it goes back to child-rearing.
I have found that an effective way to rear children is to establish a consistent and known set of rules and requirements and encourage complete and utter freedom within those rules and allow for a reasonable petition to modify such rules.
When my eldest was 4 or so, I would take him shopping for clothes. I would pick out several things and ask him to choose what he liked best from them. This helped teach him early on to make decisions. As he got older, the options widened until he reached a point were he bought what he liked to wear without my involvement. Since this was always my goal, I was happy with the result.
I had similar instances concerning room decorations, trips, time with friends, etc. And while it was not always pleasant at the time, it would have been much easier just to pretend I was doing a good job by making him happy for the second, the results were worth it. Of course I realise the accomplishment is, at most, 25% mine. The real credit goes to my son who saw the system and made it work for him.
Had he chosen just to "rebel" for rebellions sake rather than having any point behind it; if he'd chosen to demand a shifting spectrum and privilege based on whim; if he'd chosen to be a spoiled twit, the effort of mine would have been diminished. My effort only succeeded because he participated in it.
It was like we had a shared interest in the outcome and both of us worked toward it.
Y'know, like a community.
Because it really is that simple. Anytime I see someone claim they are due special privilege, I suspect their motivation since their public motivation is always "for your own good" but translates into "I WANT IT NOW! I WILL HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL I TURN BLUE!" And one of the things that my kids learned early is that I am unaffected by tantrums.
The other thing my kids learned is that when I tell them my motivation, they should listen because only by speaking to me about my stated motivation can they hope to change my mind.
It's like I actually mean what I say or something.
Imagine that.
Damn.
This is a different thought, I may get back to the original, I may not.
There are many things I do not understand. One of these is the motivation for what appears to me to be destructive behaviour.
Oh, I get that all behaviour by an individual is considered either right or justified and is pursued as a result of this. This was clear to me around the time I was 16 and was the result of a conversation I had with a friend. He pointed it out, I thought about it, agreed, and have tested it continuously for 33 years and have never found it to be incorrect.
So I do understand that part of it, the right or justified thing, what I am missing is the brain wiring required to repeat erroneous steps and wait for a difference of outcome.
I can only conclude that some emotional need is fulfilled which outweighs the consequences and so the action continues even though the result is inevitable. Which is why even though I do not understand people, I am an excellent predictor of behaviour and, by extension, adept at identifying what will set someone off.
But back to the main point. Many times people will publicly indicate they are unhappy about a situation. They will decry the situation, announce to the world the injustice of it, and then do nothing to change it. Now if the situation is beyond their reach, perhaps all they can do is draw attention to it but where I differ from some people is that I have a very narrow definition of what is beyond my reach.
My personal behavior is not beyond my reach. If I am engaged in behaviour I represent is harmful to me, I will change it or acknowledge that I perceive a benefit that exceeds the harm. Thus I do not whine about things being unfair.
By extension, if I join a community that has rules, I do my best to abide by the rules and make apologies when I tread over the line. if I view a rule as unfair or ill-advised, I'll work to change it. I'll lay out my argument and ask that it be considered and if the decision goes against me I will either let it go or remove myself depending on how seriously I view the issue.
To me it is really that simple.
So I miss the point of the constant whining about rules. If they are not secret, then they cannot be a surprise. If you join an activity and refuse to review the rules and then get bitten by your behaviour, I am missing the point where it is anything other than a:
"Yo! Pay attention!"
Moment.
For me it goes back to child-rearing.
I have found that an effective way to rear children is to establish a consistent and known set of rules and requirements and encourage complete and utter freedom within those rules and allow for a reasonable petition to modify such rules.
When my eldest was 4 or so, I would take him shopping for clothes. I would pick out several things and ask him to choose what he liked best from them. This helped teach him early on to make decisions. As he got older, the options widened until he reached a point were he bought what he liked to wear without my involvement. Since this was always my goal, I was happy with the result.
I had similar instances concerning room decorations, trips, time with friends, etc. And while it was not always pleasant at the time, it would have been much easier just to pretend I was doing a good job by making him happy for the second, the results were worth it. Of course I realise the accomplishment is, at most, 25% mine. The real credit goes to my son who saw the system and made it work for him.
Had he chosen just to "rebel" for rebellions sake rather than having any point behind it; if he'd chosen to demand a shifting spectrum and privilege based on whim; if he'd chosen to be a spoiled twit, the effort of mine would have been diminished. My effort only succeeded because he participated in it.
It was like we had a shared interest in the outcome and both of us worked toward it.
Y'know, like a community.
Because it really is that simple. Anytime I see someone claim they are due special privilege, I suspect their motivation since their public motivation is always "for your own good" but translates into "I WANT IT NOW! I WILL HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL I TURN BLUE!" And one of the things that my kids learned early is that I am unaffected by tantrums.
The other thing my kids learned is that when I tell them my motivation, they should listen because only by speaking to me about my stated motivation can they hope to change my mind.
It's like I actually mean what I say or something.
Imagine that.