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One of the reasons I am so popular
One of the reasons I am so popular is that I am the same person no matter the setting.
With friends, with strangers, at work, in public, with family, teaching, learning, rehearsing, etc.
Folks know I am a constant and that constant is:
Jonathan will tell us when he thinks we are full of shit or acting like a prick and not only appreciates but expects the same.
I don't keep score, I don't hold back, I don't say nice things because I am afraid of hurting your feelings.
Which means the nice things I do say have value. Since my friends know that I will tell them when they are full of shit, they know if I tell them they have a good idea or have done something well that i have actually considered what I am saying above the "If I say this they will like me" equation.
Since I don't keep score I operate under the premise that no one keeps score. Some folks do, of course, and I pretend I don't understand their inferences and when they finally come out and say:
"Well I did X, so you have to do Y"
My response is, "No."
We all have to make decisions concerning how much return we are receiving for our emotional investments but when they don't pan out we can be adults rather than having to manufacture hurt and enlist hate.
At least, that's what I believe and so I am always surprised when it turns out not to be the case.
Because the reality is that, apparently, some folks pretend to be tough in one arena and are not tough in others. Some people pretend to be out-spoken in one area but are sycophants in others. Some people even pretend to be nice and then attack folks who do not agree with them on truly unimportant issues.
If watching my parents and then being a parent myself has taught me anything, it is that a consistency of personality is more successful and productive than a hummingbird/tapeworm approach.
Still, some people will decide they are better than me because they have dark hair or green eyes or like strawberries or whatever else arbitrary construct they have deemed shows true intelligence and value and they will try to lecture me on how destructive my behaviour is.
And they are right in one aspect, my behaviour is destructive to the self-congratulatory circle jerk the need in order to validate their life. And my greatest sin is that I am not only OK with that, I revel in it. That my behaviour causes these people who declare they are better than others to get angry, hell, this is a Christmas present.
Because the thing my friends know about me is that while I respect their skills and abilities, I am not afraid to tell them they are full of shit and my telling them they are full of shit is not a degradation of their skills and abilities, only a critique of their current behaviour.
And in the times I am proved to be wrong, I apologize, make reasonable amends, and move on.
So my friends and I can have a relationship based on respect rather than co-dependency.. We have a relationship of equals, in both of our eyes. And should this fails at one point and my friend decide they are better than me, I bring their behaviour to light and walk away should it not change.
Because while I know I am not better, as a person, than anyone, I know folks who try to insist they are, are not the people with whom I need to associate in an intimate fashion.
Someone will decide this blog post is a personal attack on them because, well, because they are an idiot.
With friends, with strangers, at work, in public, with family, teaching, learning, rehearsing, etc.
Folks know I am a constant and that constant is:
Jonathan will tell us when he thinks we are full of shit or acting like a prick and not only appreciates but expects the same.
I don't keep score, I don't hold back, I don't say nice things because I am afraid of hurting your feelings.
Which means the nice things I do say have value. Since my friends know that I will tell them when they are full of shit, they know if I tell them they have a good idea or have done something well that i have actually considered what I am saying above the "If I say this they will like me" equation.
Since I don't keep score I operate under the premise that no one keeps score. Some folks do, of course, and I pretend I don't understand their inferences and when they finally come out and say:
"Well I did X, so you have to do Y"
My response is, "No."
We all have to make decisions concerning how much return we are receiving for our emotional investments but when they don't pan out we can be adults rather than having to manufacture hurt and enlist hate.
At least, that's what I believe and so I am always surprised when it turns out not to be the case.
Because the reality is that, apparently, some folks pretend to be tough in one arena and are not tough in others. Some people pretend to be out-spoken in one area but are sycophants in others. Some people even pretend to be nice and then attack folks who do not agree with them on truly unimportant issues.
If watching my parents and then being a parent myself has taught me anything, it is that a consistency of personality is more successful and productive than a hummingbird/tapeworm approach.
Still, some people will decide they are better than me because they have dark hair or green eyes or like strawberries or whatever else arbitrary construct they have deemed shows true intelligence and value and they will try to lecture me on how destructive my behaviour is.
And they are right in one aspect, my behaviour is destructive to the self-congratulatory circle jerk the need in order to validate their life. And my greatest sin is that I am not only OK with that, I revel in it. That my behaviour causes these people who declare they are better than others to get angry, hell, this is a Christmas present.
Because the thing my friends know about me is that while I respect their skills and abilities, I am not afraid to tell them they are full of shit and my telling them they are full of shit is not a degradation of their skills and abilities, only a critique of their current behaviour.
And in the times I am proved to be wrong, I apologize, make reasonable amends, and move on.
So my friends and I can have a relationship based on respect rather than co-dependency.. We have a relationship of equals, in both of our eyes. And should this fails at one point and my friend decide they are better than me, I bring their behaviour to light and walk away should it not change.
Because while I know I am not better, as a person, than anyone, I know folks who try to insist they are, are not the people with whom I need to associate in an intimate fashion.
Someone will decide this blog post is a personal attack on them because, well, because they are an idiot.