a warm night

I looked up.. it was raining, and it was raining hard. thousands of cold water drops pierced through my skin. It was ironic how the icy drops of water felt like trickles of flame, burning through every inch they could reach. They were almost sneaking up on me.. the fog hid them well. And yet, even though the pain was almost unbearable, I found my feet cemented on the ground. I did not want to go back.. I did not want it to stop. I needed this.. I craved it.

The rain made the world seem pale.. as I looked up, I saw colours floating in the air. It was almost as though god was trying to tell me something. When I was a kid.. people used to tell me that at the start of every rainbow somewhere there is a pot of gold. I wondered if it were true.. I looked for the origin of the rainbow.. but it faded away into nothingness.. maybe god was trying to tell me something afterall?

I sat down, one with the earth, sharing the rainfall with all the other creatures of god. On my back, I looked up at the sky. The sky was hiding.. behind the thick mist. I wonder if you’re feeling this too.. I wonder if the same drops of water are falling on your face too. I wonder if they burn you like they do me, or if their soft embrace gives you cosy warmth inside. I wonder if you’re thinking of this right now, as I am.. and I fold my arms as if to clasp you, hold you in my arms. I wonder if you feel it?

It was a cold, cold night. I didn’t need the mist to blur my vision, but it seemed like it concurred with my thoughts. Maybe the only way I’d be able to see clearly was to clear the mist in my head. To let you go. I let my arms go, as I lay down flat on the ground. The cold water accepted me in its embrace.. and yet I felt you lying down next to me, with your head on my arm. I looked towards it.. nothing. But I could feel you there.. I know you’re feeling this too.

You’re right here.. right next to me. In this cold night, with the frozen shards of water penetrating through my skin, you give me warmth. Your embrace, although false, gives me peace. Gives me warmth.. it gives me hope. Hope of a better tomorrow.. hope of a tomorrow where I can breathe without the sharp pain in my chest.. maybe I can breathe easy someday. Maybe one day I will be able to clutch you.. maybe your arms will give me warmth, someday.

You’re far away, and yet I feel you here with me. you’re right next to me.. and yet my fingers crave your touch. I lie here alone, thinking about you. Imagining you smile.. picturing you craving my touch just as I crave yours. My heart feels warm inside.. Are you thinking of me too?