Evasive Mind

Stuck, a bug smeared on the glass of a moving vehicle.

That’s how I feel. I want to see everything, I want to do everything, I want to be everything. But I can’t.

Doubt; such a pitiful word, filled with morbid disgust.

Somehow that word, and that word alone rule my hidden existence.

I can’t see everything, I cant do everything and I certainly cannot be everything.

So here ill stay, smeared across the glass of this rapidly moving truck as I watch life quickly pass me by.

My daily mission is to find a reason to keep my self from drowning. To find a reason to paint that fake smile across my lips for the enjoyment of society.

And here comes that hideous word again, doubt. I want more then life itself to believe I can, to know with out a question in my mind that I will.

But what reason have I given myself to look past my many flaws and just trust that I wont fail. I can’t.

There’s a room that haunts my dreams, a room filled with so very many people, laughing, talking, living. But wait, there’s always a catch. The room is pitch black and without time. Yes, the room is occupied by many, but I’ll never see them, so ultimately I’m completely alone. If I’m lucky one day some one will reach through the darkness and lay a warm hand upon mine, as they whisper sweet nothings into my ear. But if they do, will I scream? Will I reject them for the mere fear of the unknown?

Everything’s up, everything’s down, everything comes, but yet still everything goes.

Slowly slipping through the never ending cracks of my delerious mind, as only i try to console myself, try to fool myself into beleiving there is a better tomorrow.

But tomorrow never comes.

We are all insignifigant nothings. We go around and do our daily chores, and say our daily prayers in a hope that there is a god and that come judgment day, our meaningless lives will have amounted to something.

But there isn’t, and it won’t, and it can’t, and it never will.

So here i’ll stay smeared across the glass. Safe from this delusion we all call life.