Numb

Every now and then my grandfather speaks to me
He’s been dead for some years
At his funeral I was drunk
Unable to leak tears
Although I don’t believe in god
Somehow he is with me
There must be life after death
I don’t see it as heavenly
His words come as warnings
Of a future of peril
Every two nights or so in my dreams
I feel him with me
An invisible entity
Invading
But I welcome him
For I never truly knew him
When I lost him I was lost
Barely even a person
In that there’s a lesson
He’s trying to teach me
What is it?
Should I have cried at his funeral?
At the time I was numb
Dumbfounded by life
Fifteen with a death wish
Watching strangers twitch
At the sight of a casket
Infected,
By the heart of the bastard
As good as a smoker’s lung
There is no god
For a great man died…
Yet I live.