The Fine Art of Insult

The fine art of insult

I was thinking today on the fine art of insult which seems to be dying out. Now days it seems to devolve into name calling and cursing and swiftly degrades into violence. It is a shame this fine art seems to be almost extinct. An insult should have a certain piquant quality without, usually, calling some one bluntly stupid, dumb, slow or lazy.
With that in mind I have decided to write down a few of my favorites.

You know, I saw a skunk today and was reminded of you.

If your brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow your nose.

If your brains were gasoline there wouldn’t be enough for an ant to ride a mini bike around a BB once.

You strike me as the kind of person who would bring a knife to a gunfight.

Your elevator doesn’t reach the top floor does it.

You are about three quarts shy of a gallon.

If I ordered a boxcar load of idiots and you were the only person who showed up, I would have gotten my money’s worth.

Your opinion is about 99 cents short of a dollar.

I’d offer a penny for your thoughts, but they’re not worth that much.

You were an unwanted child weren’t you?

Can you please leave and make room for someone intelligent.

You are about 8 ounces short of a pound.

Quit playing with your brain and use it for something constructive.

You couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with directions on the heel.

I bet your parents despaired of ever getting you potty trained.

I once saw a possum sleeping with more energy than you have.

Is there a snail somewhere in your ancestry?

You’re three bricks shy of a full load.

How could a couple as smart as your parents give birth to you?

All I can say is your parents should have practiced birth control.

These are just a few of my favorites. Now you can see why I say the fine art of insult is on the decline.

Respectfully,
Rett