In Two

You may split in two, but it is a passing thing of light, that is from another source, your real light as you realiise is to pure to be split or troubled by fleeting shadows, I think a short but lovely write of a oneness with your being, Yours Ian.T

what a grand entrance! a well-written piece. the image of light and shadow is a strong one. welcome to Neopoet! your Proprietress

And, as always, these are presented as notes, not requirements. 1) Most of the poem speaks of a solitary person except for the inference in line 2 of stanza 3 - this seems to indicate more than a single person and adds, to me, more confusion than mystery 2) Spacing - it is a personal quirk of mine but I find double spaced lines in a poem distracting 3) Punctuation - I admit, I am a punctuation geek and i depend on it in my work to structure pacing and flow. since you don't have any punctuation the reader must define that for themselves. This is not good or bad, it just is. Since you are consistent in the use of punctuation, there is no need to modify anything and I only bring it up to illustrate that a consistency of approach lends structure to a work 4)word choice - for the most part it is very good but I find myself looking at some lines and wondering if they may not be improved by either a re-ordering or a clipping. Let me show you what I mean: --------------------- So split in two / Split in two Merging into the dark / Merging into dark Only to surface again / To surface again and again --------------------- and --------------------- And feel the radiance that emanates / I feel the radiance that emanates From our Source And to succumb once more / As I succumb once more To the oblivion of me --------------------- What I am attempting to accomplish here is to make the images more powerful and personal through more direct allusions. You, most likely, can come up with better word order and choice to accomplish a cleaner and more impacting read. In general, the piece works well and the notes I have reflect areas on which I had stumbles and my thoughts to make it smoother. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)