faerybeki

Aug 26, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Sunset

Eight-thirty pm,
the whole sky to himself,
a bird flies home.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Comments

brittle light

14 years 8 months ago

this works so well, so

this works so well, so definitive....so concise, an immediate and wonderful visual stimulation

|faerybeki

14 years 8 months ago

Thank you guys :)) was

Thank you guys :)) was considering swapping the title and the first line around? would love to hear your thoughts... might just do it... can always swap them back :) love to you both xxx

Roscoe Lane

14 years 8 months ago

I love,

I love the idea of swapping the title and first line, but either way it's perfect. Love Roscoe..

|faerybeki

14 years 7 months ago

Thanks Roscoe :) going to

Thanks Roscoe :) going to leave the swap in place, feel Sunset is the better title, love to you xxx

weirdelf

14 years 8 months ago

ooo, I so love haikus

and this one works a several levels, the literal and the metaphoric. I could wite an essay about it but I'm too lazy [grins]

weirdelf

14 years 7 months ago

Spell "eight thirty Pm

numbers in poetry are anathema.

|faerybeki

14 years 7 months ago

Jess, thanks for the new word, 'anathema' had to go and look it up :) and I quite like doing that. Glad you liked the haiku, it's a form I really love, did wonder about writing the full number, maybe it's me who is lazy lol, will edit now :) thanks again, much love xxx

raj

14 years 7 months ago

both homecoming and evening

both homecoming and evening captured so intrinsically well in this haiku with lovely strokes of your poetic pen..

|faerybeki

14 years 7 months ago

Thank you raj :) glad you

Thank you raj :) glad you enjoyed it, much love xxx

|faerybeki

14 years 7 months ago

Eph, thanks for commenting,

Eph, thanks for commenting, happy to know you enjoyed another of my little poems :) lucky me to have witnessed this bird and been right with him, if only for a moment, much love Beki xxx

Geezer

14 years 7 months ago

Another...

well done! I get the image of a lone crow, ousted by his mob, or maybe an eagle after a long day of fishing. ~ Gee

|faerybeki

14 years 7 months ago

Thank you Gee :) that's why I

Thank you Gee :) that's why I like haiku, it is possible to hint at many stories with just a few words, happy this one was successful, much love Beki xxx

weirdelf

14 years 7 months ago

Re-reading this

I find the time numbers incompatible with a birds flight,
perhaps
"at sunset"?
No. I'm wrong. You have successfully combined nature and human time. Quite an accomplishment.
Again I say, I love much said in few words, to me that is what poetry can be at its best.

|faerybeki

14 years 6 months ago

Thank you Jess, I really

Thank you Jess, I really appreciate your comment, I'm happy this little haiku, this moment in my day was recieved so well, much love xxx

Ladderwords

14 years 6 months ago

A visual cookie to whet the

A visual cookie to whet the palette. I'll have to stay my hand before reaching into your bag of goodies again. Thanks for the treat!