Senyus / Haikus

Senyu

Hurdlers scurry treetops
Stowing wintertime supply
two squirrels gather nuts
______________________
Haiku

Behind rain, lighting
Bright, reddish, stormy heavens
Awe an orange sun sets
_________________________
Haiku

Hung above snow clouds
Amidst rain, thunder, lighting
A rainbow paints skies
________________________
Senyu

Birds glide south, to rest
From strain, of winter famine
Depart, vacant nest

— Barbara Writes, Jul 03, 2011

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Critiques

raj

14 years 11 months ago

Barbara

a good haiku/senryu (i could never figure out the difference) which created the picture for me,,,nice and smooth...

Barbara Writes

14 years 11 months ago

Raj

Thanks ive been writing haiku for a while
I learn how to write and know the difference right here at neo
Never heard of either before neo

weirdelf

14 years 11 months ago

lovely!

Haiku/senryu don't have titles! they are the purist minimalism of poetry.

A couple of suggestions

Behind the rainstorm
Bright ruddy skies and dark clouds
the sun sets [eliminate the inessential to create an evocative ending]

Hung above snow clouds
Amidst rain, thunder, lighting
A rainbow paints westerns skies [sorry but horrible cliche, again, eliminate the inessential to create an evocative ending]
Western skies
or
oh, a rainbow

Just suggestions, I don't mean you to use my wording. In haiku less is always more.

Barbara Writes

14 years 11 months ago

Jess

Thanks for the suggestions

Barbara Writes

14 years 11 months ago

Jess

thanks again for the suggestions. I been to a convention all weekend and now can focus on your suggestion. having your input is always nice

weirdelf

14 years 11 months ago

my please always,

my lady,