BRITISH INNS 4: THE FLIRTACIOUS FLUTTERBY

THE BRITISH PUB

For centuries the great British Pub has been the traditional centre of social life in most communities. It has been a place to relax, take your ease and enjoy good conversation with friends. These pubs welcomed anybody - old or young, male or female, smoker or non-smoker - to sit and enjoy the simple activities and facilities. In recent years these traditional values have been eroded or changed beyond recognition - many have become little more than glorified eateries, hideous themed bars or [worse] deafeningly loud ‘vertical drinking’ corrals void of anybody over thirty years old. The nationwide smoking ban has just about finished off the normal pub camaraderie. These pieces were written as a tribute to a disappearing tradition, and supported some fictitious Inn Sign designs I made which can be seen on my flickr site. http://www.flickr.com/photos/7911705@N07

This is one of those Inns

THE FLIRTACIOUS FLUTTERBY

The Flirtacious Flutterby is set in secluded leafy grounds and is actually a converted three-storey country mansion-house. The isolation is deliberate, for this is a very exclusive establishment not open to the general public. You have to have a letter of introduction from one of the patrons to get in. The members call it simply the ‘double-F’ but the coarser local critics [not without a tinge of envy] call it the Flying Fuck. This, although unkind, is reasonably accurate. The Double-F is a hair’s-breadth from a bordello. Possessive jealous types need not apply.

The first floor is magnificently appointed – low comfortable seating and elegant occasional tables, a well-stocked bar [serving mainly cocktails] and an array of beaded-curtained cubicles along the whole length of two walls. Very discreet, very private if that’s what you want, although some of the patrons are more inclined to, shall we say, exhibit their desires. At the rear of the property, reached through the main bar, is a large heated swimming pool [swimwear optional] with a retractable roof to take account of the unpredictable British weather.

The second floor has a vast ‘soft play’ room with a dazzling variety of audio and lighting effects. Please note that it’s only the furnishings that are soft. If you like your encounters [or orgasms] to be multiple, this is just the place for you. A small annexe room is furnished as a turn-of-the-century schoolroom and has wardrobes full of appropriate costumes for guests with a dramatic turn of mind.

The third floor and the attached modern extension houses the bedrooms, or boudoirs as they are called in the brochure. Each has a king-sized bed [four-poster in some cases], en-suite shower, bathtub and WC,  a mini-bar and a ‘toys’ cabinet. You can be sure to find a toy to suit your taste, whatever games you like to play.

The cuisine is adequate, but not too filling, because other appetites take priority. Aphrodisiacs figure prominently on all menu items. It’s a good place to lose weight … and inhibitions.