absent

keep yourself awake
with all this late night thinking
now try to forget that face and voice
embrace the void of her absence.

well, it all meant nothing
so you wrote it down anyway
this is a loose connection
that goes beyond repair.

let the music
bring you back to life
bass melody blood line
lift your dead emotions.

read the words
cling to something
that brings you pleasure
without any real pain.

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Comments

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

Hi smullen

Have just read absent, Forget, untitled and vacant stages. I like your work, you evoke powerful images and emotions but I have a difficulty with your flow. I only ever look at a poets profile after I have read their works so I noticed you also like Bukowsky. He creates flow with dramatic tension, you just GOT to know whats coming next. Others do it with poetic devices like rhyme (not recommended to most) alliteration and internal half-rhymes. This is one of my all time favourite single lines of poetry "Down in dim woods the diamond delves! The elves's-eyes!" from a "Starlight Night" by Gerard Manley Hopkins. May I respectfully suggest you read a lot of the lyrical and romantic poets. cheers, Jess

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

this poem well evokes absence

When I referred to flow in my other comment. It feels a bit like a list of statements, despite its emotional strength. cheers, Jess