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B
barbsdad2003
Jun 19, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

they sent me out





they
sent
me
out
 
my bloomin’ chickpeas
bagged a bonny breeze;
 
they sent me out sans sauerkraut---
without a doubt 
to snag a sneeze---
crisply spouting, “Please!”
 
uncongenially …
 
and when they wanted me
to dock with them by sea, 
I begged off momentarily
(and by the way, too noisily!)
 
that I could not justly pay,
for one more goddamn day,
 
those horrid harbor fees
 

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Country/Region: USA

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Comments

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Conect11

18 years 10 months ago

review

hey Chuck, I love your whimsical style, but in this one particular instance I think you stretched a little too far to adapt it to this poem. I really sense a good work here, but it just seems buried under the writing (which I know makes little sense, even to me. I swear it sounded good in my head, lol!) I almost think you would have been better served with a plainer style here, but just my opinion.
B

barbsdad2003

18 years 10 months ago

Thanx Your Comment

In response, I offer this little ditty: if I now may chance to rescue meaning from obscurity to one with rounded open eyes, it might be fun to realize this piece be a spoof (though I have indeed of that no proof) on serious rhyming poetry Thanx again, Chuckles PS: The same is true of Innermost.
C

Conect11

18 years 10 months ago

thanks Chuck

your comment is most welcome, I've given this much thought: though I felt like a jerk for erring on your work deft's your hand and style for only writing for awhile though I still suspect you fib (here I am not being glib) we love to add your musings to the pile! Mark
C

Conect11

18 years 10 months ago

there is

nothing of mine that is grand, though once my children have their children, then indeed I will be grand!
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

Love you guys!

It's dialogue like this saves us all from the abyss of profound inanity and perhaps insanity I'ld venture further to remark life is lightened by bright spark s cheers