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Roses at midnight

Through the trees covered in shadow of the night,
Cold fog was pushin in his will and might,
I was collectin flower red and berrie
When i heard a voice of my dearie,
The warm the eyes the kiss
She looked at me with her smile and bliss
She touched my cheek and left the mark,
And gone for good was fear of the dark

About This Poem

Last Few Words: :)

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
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Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Country/Region: MNE

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Comments

Lavender

Lavender

2 months ago

Roses at Midnight

Welcome to Neopoet, tatiana!

This is wonderful!  I've read a few times, and like it better with each reading. Really enjoyed the casual feeling it gives - simple and appreciative.

My only suggestions would be to remove "the" from the first line so that it reads, "Through trees covered in shadow of night."  This may flow a bit smoother with fewer words.  Also, maybe change the "a" to "the" in, "When I heard the voice of my dearie" giving it a more personal familiar voice.

I really enjoyed this!

Thank you!

Lavender