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There I will be

There I will be
Friends with you
I value our friendship
There is nothing to worry about
Me being older than you
And I am sorry
But I must tell you
That I will die before you
Any day my Father
Shut my body down
I know that is heard for you
To understand that my
Father made life like that way
We all must die some day
We will not going forever
We need to live one day at time

About This Poem

Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by Aldo kraas

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Ontario

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, Patrick Friesen, Michael ondatje

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neopoet

4 months 3 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem addresses the themes of mortality, friendship, and acceptance of the inevitability of death. The directness of the language creates a sense of honesty and vulnerability, particularly in the speaker’s acknowledgment of their own mortality and the impact this may have on the friend being addressed. The poem’s structure is conversational, almost confessional, which suits the subject matter.

There are some areas where clarity and impact could be strengthened. Several lines contain grammatical errors or awkward phrasing, such as “I know that is heard for you / To understand that my / Father made life like that way,” and “We will not going forever.” These errors may distract from the emotional weight of the poem and could be revised for smoother readability. For example, “heard” should likely be “hard,” and “We will not going forever” could be revised to “We will not go on forever.”

The poem introduces the figure of “my Father,” which could be interpreted as a religious reference or as the speaker’s literal parent. This ambiguity could be clarified to enhance the poem’s coherence and emotional resonance. If the intention is a religious reference, capitalizing “Father” is appropriate, but the relationship between this figure and the speaker’s acceptance of mortality could be developed further.

The poem’s closing lines, “We need to live one day at time,” encapsulate the central message but could benefit from more precise language: “We need to live one day at a time.” Consider exploring imagery or metaphor to deepen the emotional texture, as the poem currently relies heavily on direct statement.

Overall, the poem engages with universal themes in a straightforward manner but would benefit from revision for clarity, grammatical accuracy, and perhaps the addition of figurative language to enrich its emotional impact.

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