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Nov 21, 2025
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Joie de vivre courtesy Melitte A Goldsby -
NMLS ID#639704
Citizens Bank manager
in Trooper, Pennsylvania
lit up space like a live wire,
and I braced myself
against shaking our hands
(upon first greeting me
after walking thru the doors)
lest a shock pass thru me
analogous to a lightning bolt
striking yours truly out of the blue
after seeing her
standing righteous and proud
(as she rightfully deserved
acquired her station in life
courtesy indomitable perseverance,
I presume most likely never did tire
what with an outsize personality
that would charm
the skin off a snake
and the smarts to match),
thus prompting me
to dash off a feeble attempt
regarding this wordsmith
to resolve his
checking account quagmire
after being suckered
into one after
another centsless imbroglio
falling prey into poor man's
monied pipe bombed dream
gullible and naive to compromise
relative safekeeping his deposits
yet somehow found myself
at the mercy of short,
nasty and brutish
trolls rubbing their
weather beaten hands in glee
when ensnaring a once
happy go lucky boy
essentially being affected courtesy
an anonymous byte size notifier
that meekness and submissiveness
signaled to bullies think Charlie Brown
the renown targeted
victim as a vulnerable kite-flier
whose kite went no higher
than the kite eating tree,
whose foiled attempt
at a Lucy free empire
like a metaphor
for the writer of these words
stumbling into pitfalls
most of his own making a buyer
into the implication of the maxim
"if something is too good
to be true, it probably is"
disregarding a warning to be skeptical
of offers or situations
that seem unrealistically
positive or beneficial
taking the bait
from snake oil salesman
pitching me head over heels
into a grave situation
of my own making
exhausting every last ounce of energy
only to find myself
deeper in a black hole
where red is the new black,
especially pertaining to money matters,
and I pay thru
emotional/psychological nose
exacerbating an already
anxiety prone baby boomer
soon after the beneficence
as high a caliber individual,
but interestingly enough
none can exceed
the esprit de corps of Melitte A Goldsby
principally with knack
to rectify his out of balance accounts.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a dense and intricate narrative that blends personal experience with vivid characterization, particularly of Melitte A Goldsby. The extended metaphor of electricity and lightning effectively conveys the intensity and energy of the bank manager’s presence, though at times the imagery becomes somewhat tangled, which can challenge reader engagement and clarity.
The poem’s structure is free-flowing and conversational, which suits the anecdotal tone but occasionally sacrifices rhythmic cohesion and pacing. Consider breaking the poem into stanzas to provide natural pauses and to highlight shifts in focus—from the initial encounter, to the speaker’s financial troubles, to reflections on gullibility and resilience. This could also help manage the length of lines, some of which feel overextended and may benefit from condensation or rephrasing for greater impact.
The use of idiomatic expressions and cultural references (e.g., “skin off a snake,” “kite eating tree,” “Lucy free empire,” “snake oil salesman”) enriches the poem’s texture but might alienate readers unfamiliar with these allusions. Clarifying or contextualizing these references could enhance accessibility without diluting the poem’s voice.
The poem’s emotional core—grappling with financial vulnerability, self-reproach, and eventual admiration for Melitte’s competence—is compelling. However, the narrative occasionally drifts into abstract or convoluted phrasing (“monied pipe bombed dream,” “byte size notifier”) that may obscure meaning. Simplifying or grounding these images could strengthen the poem’s emotional resonance.
Finally, the closing lines affirm Melitte’s esprit de corps and problem-solving ability, providing a satisfying resolution. Emphasizing this contrast between the speaker’s turmoil and Melitte’s steadiness through more deliberate structural and tonal shifts could amplify the poem’s thematic impact.
Overall, refining the poem’s organization, clarifying dense imagery, and balancing colloquial language with precise expression would enhance its readability and emotional power.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
4 months 4 weeks ago
I am...
intrigued by the discourse between our A.I. and the author. ~ Geez.
.