Earn A Poem Workshop 2

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This poem is part of the contest:

Me painter

When you craft my head
Do not forget those snakes as my hair
Think of medusa without shedding a tear
When u mold my eyes give me 3
Keep the them wide open
Open the third one wider
Think of 'she joseph'who is awake

When u move down to my nose
Forget about the nostrils for I lack the ability
To smell trouble but posses the power to land
In them
Can u try to knit my lips together like a
Knitted torn shirt? For I don't say
As much as I see I don't say anything at all

Let's talk about my ears that hears whispers
Make them big for the blind to see but
Still not understand
I don't not own a brain so make it with
A question mark with all the questions that goes unanswered
So cautious and curious
Mr painter if u were to paint me
For my heart I was told to my face that
My faith in God is just a phase
And here I am still throw my face to bow
To him
I would like if I say make it with cracks for it got
Broken a few time but I allowed healing to take place
But can u leave a whole in it make it one of
A kind because no one seemed to fill it
Tattoo it to my back cause it's all in the
Past but I carry them daily

About This Poem

Last Few Words: She paints with wo

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ZAF

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

neopoet

5 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem presents a vivid and imaginative self-portrait, using the metaphor of a painter crafting the speaker’s physical and emotional features. The approach of instructing the painter on how to depict each part of the body allows for a layered exploration of identity, perception, and inner experience.

Strengths: - The use of mythological allusion with Medusa effectively conveys complexity and perhaps a sense of misunderstood power or danger. - The “third eye” imagery suggests heightened awareness or insight, adding a spiritual or mystical dimension. - The heart’s description, with cracks and a hole, poignantly captures vulnerability and resilience, while the idea of tattooing it on the back conveys how past wounds shape present life. - The poem’s conversational tone, addressing the painter directly, creates intimacy and immediacy.

Areas for improvement: 1. **Consistency and Clarity**: Some lines could benefit from clearer phrasing or punctuation to enhance readability. For example, “Think of 'she joseph' who is awake” is intriguing but unclear—clarifying who or what “she joseph” refers to would strengthen the image. 2. **Grammar and Word Choice**: There are minor grammatical slips and typos (“u” instead of “you,” “I don’t not own a brain,” “a few time”) that disrupt flow. Revising these will improve the poem’s polish. 3. **Line Breaks and Formatting**: The poem’s impact could be enhanced by more deliberate line breaks and stanza divisions to emphasize key images and create rhythm. 4. **Imagery Expansion**: Some metaphors, like “knit my lips together like a knitted torn shirt,” are compelling but could be expanded or clarified to deepen their resonance. 5. **Thematic Cohesion**: The poem touches on sensory abilities (smell, hearing), faith, and emotional wounds. Strengthening the connections between these themes could unify the poem’s message more tightly.

Overall, the poem’s concept is strong, and with attention to clarity, grammar, and structure, it can achieve greater emotional and aesthetic impact.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

John Leslie O'Kelley

5 months 1 week ago

Me painter

I love the mystical description and am aware of what the third eye is and means. Great write! If you have time please read and comment on mine! Leslie.